Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A brief statement about the Tiger Woods situation

After listening to the news all day from several different sources ranging from NPR this morning, MSNBC, FOX, CNN, and later this evening NBC Nightly News I have one thing to say. With all due respect to Mr. Woods' very important ability to hit a small white ball into an almost equally small hole in the ground hundreds of yards away I frankly do not give a rat's ass about him wrecking his car backing out from his driveway. I also do not give a flying shit about the reasons this happened. Whether he got caught fooling around on his wife with her trying to beat his brains out because of it with one of his computer balanced carbon fiber thousand dollar golf clubs or if he was being kidnapped by Martians forcing his wife to defend her husband by breaking out several windows in his expensive SUV to get at the little green men, I simply don't care.

Anyone who has read my stuff would find it extremely easy to understand I have no love for the '"sport" of golf and in truth golf courses to me are an environmental abomination. The massive amounts of fertilizer being used to keep the grass green runoff into coastal waters around here killing the marshes in which much of the seafood we eat lives. I also find most avid golfers insufferable bores who I often daydream become afternoon snacks for the assorted gators that live in the small ponds that are a part of golf course architecture. The idea of loose wild pythons crawling up from Florida getting a hold of the obnoxious middle-aged white guy who has a nationally broadcast conservative radio talk show while he is practising his putting is another daydream of mine that often produces a few chuckles.

That being said the main reason for the illicit rant is the huge amount of time "journalists" have spent today speculating for the reasons this happened along with the banal babble on what this might mean for Tiger's billion dollar endorsements of everything from overpriced sweatshop made clothes to overpriced flavored water. Once again critical issues and problems that face the nation and world have been left by the wayside because at best some spoiled twit with far too much money can't drive his damn car and at worst the same twit couldn't keep his pecker in his pants despite a hot babe of a wife. If the latter is the reason expect further delays and interruptions in real news as the media has an orgasmic meltdown covering the divorce proceedings.

Thank you for your time, good night and good luck.


Unknown said...

I couldn't believe that all four afternoon (on the left coast) political shows on MSNBC addressed this bullshit.

WTF was my response each time.

Unknown said...

Oh BRAVO Beach!

you are my eco-blog of the year! yes, i realize the year dwindles. it's just begun, tho, for you. you do such an excellent job of commentary on topical events ala environment! so,
BRAVO! great post! (per usual)
/ditto Dusty...WTF??

Laura said...

Funny, I was just telling my husband last night to turn off the American news and put on the Canadian because I couldn't take anymore Tiger bullshit. ;)
I really don't give a flying flip either. Who knew that having great hand eye co ordination could make you such an icon.
I mean, I guess I understand why everyone is curious but lets face it. I think we can all put 2 and 2 together and figure out what happened all on our own. Right?
But we won't be satisfied until we KNOW EVERYTHING!!!
At least they've stopped talking about H1N1 for a bit. :)


lime said...

yes, and when i take this post with the previous one it makes me want to grab these alleged "journalists" by the throat and suggest rather emphatically they begin to report on things that really matter lilek human trafficking not bullshit speculation about pro athletes and their pampered lives.

Jack Jodell said...

Beach Bum,
I'm with you all the way. What a complete waste of time and resources. Bring us the NEWS, media! We don't need gossip column, National Enquirer nonsense!

Randal Graves said...

I thought the endless Favre hagiography was lunacy. That said, I'm rooting for the Vikings because so many who were made violently ill by the endless Favre hagiography would be extremely ill on a black death level and that would make me chuckle. Plus, football is an actual sport. Golf is as much a sport as lawn darts and bowling.

David Barber said...

It's on all our news shows as well (UK). Like they've got nothing better to report. Rumour over here has it that his wife was playing "a-round" with his caddy!
Happy month, David.

Joe "Truth 101" Kelly said...

Ratings Beach Bum. I'd rather not be clubbed with celebrity gossip either but in the real world people love things that will never be real for 99.9% of us. I got loads of traffic because Tiger Woods was in the title of a post. Not that I care about loads of traffic. Just says a lot about society when posts about Iraq or health care get a third the traffic a post about a celebrity wrecking his car does.

Commander Zaius said...

Dusty: It was even worse today, I got up and they still talked endlessly about the "case being closed."

Gwen: Somewhere on this blog I have a post about a speaking on the subject of golf and what it along with all the condo and outlet malls did to the ecology of the coast. In that same post I also relate how gator almost got a little revenge with my father-in-law and a few of his gold playing buddies.

Sunshine: We can all figure out what happened? Absolutely, dude's little head got the better of the big one.You know I wouldn't have ranted if they had made a very short comment and left it at that but all the news show carried on for endless hours.

Lime: Its funny really about all this, and I hope some of my sense of humor seeped through cause I figure as soon as Tiger's "first public relations disaster" as some have described it is over he will be replaced. To be fair I'm equally pissed at the White House party crashers and want them to be thrown into a deep dark jail for pulling their antics. the president is facing a legion of radical freaks and they go and pull a stunt that will only embolden them.

Jack: You know I miss the "Weekly World News", if we have to have fake journalism like this stuff I want it filled with aliens about to invade and ladies claiming that they are carrying Bigfoot's baby.

Randal: What do you mean? I figure Favre is about to retire again only to be picked up by another team. I swear the dude was just doing that to get on the news. I, of course, agree about golf not being a sport. Although I do like put-put and all the blue water fountains that have at such places.

David: Serious?!? I had not heard that one. I just this afternoon saw the picture of the babe who is "linked" with Tiger. After all this I' going to have to have a beer.

Truth101: Welcome and come back often. You know its funny, I got criticized once for getting my news on the Daily Show while this same person watches the entertainment news show religiously. I'll hazard a guess Jon Stewart is closer to reality that all those stories about what some Hollywood actress wore to some awards show.

Me said...

Well, let's put this in perspective.

Tonight, President Obama is going to announce a dramatic increase in US troops in that hellhole where empires go to die, Afghanistan.

Foreclosures are at a record high and more and more American CHILDREN are going to bed hungry EVERY NIGHT.

Many people are ONE PAYCHECK away from being homeless.

Don't get sick and if you do, please do us all a favor and die quickly.

War profiteering is at a all-time high.

Government provide corporate welfare, but fucks over the citizens.

Yada yada.

Amidst all these minor things, wtf does the MSM focus on?

Where Tiger sticks his puter.

Priorities, baby, priorities.

Forrest Proper said...

Well put. Here's sobering statistic I heard last night- Mr. Woods has earned about $90 million in winnings playing golf in his career so far. In that same career, he has earned an additional $900 million for "being Tiger Woods" -advs., speaking, endorsements, whatever. that says something sad about our Society's values as a whole.

btw- the green golf course is an American thing. Over in Scotland they're all brown and sandy, with no trees.

Laura said...

Yikes! Things are not looking good for old Tiger right now are they?
As if he'd call his girlfriend and not erase it from his phone!
Duh! What a dummy.


Laura said...

You can't just come over to my blog.. say something like "that" and then not elaborate!!!
You know I'm a perv Beach. :D


Rhiannon said...

You are so right! I was just telling my friend last night in relation to Tiger Woods "who cares I mean really what a waste of news space and time, means nothing to me, move on".

Our priorities in this country and the so called "priorities" on the news channels are so bizzare. You'd think they could us the time better with more important news that affects our lives. They should have the gossip shows and then the "news only shows".

So so tired of all this exploitation of famous people...who the hell cares? Not me.

Good post and keep ranting..your good at it!..;o)


Commander Zaius said...

Hill: God bless America, the land of the rescued bankers and home of the idiot and banal rich.

Colonel: I'm very serious; I had hoped this story would have long since been flattened by other more important issues but apparently not. Got to love a country whose worship of a dude ability to hit a little white ball is only out weighed buy the worship of the stuff he wears, drinks, and uses to shave.

Sunshine: Bite you tongue, Tiger right now is a shining example of American at its best.

I was letting it all hang out at that moment.

Rhiannon: I figure at some point I'll be asked to leave the country. Because given how stupid we seem to be lately all America can do is create celebrities that can make fools of themselves. Can't be insulting the countries one true strength, it threatens national security.

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

I agree with you about golf, double b. While it isn't quite as bad as NASCAR (this, I'm saying, in terms of environmental UNfriendliness), it's close. And, plus, only an idiot would cheat on a Swedish model.

Commander Zaius said...

Will: I have come close several times to be kicked out of the South due to my disinterest and intense dislike for NASCAR. Of course my liberalism brings the situation closer in its own right but I guess you can say in those cases I like to live dangerously. NASCAR for me is about as boring as golf with the only thing that can catch my attention being the car crashes.

On the other hand now my redeeming Southern qualities that keep me safe are that I will jump at the chance to eat venison and the fact that even now with my worsening eyesight I can still out shoot half the rednecks I encounter.

Tiger is an idiot and from what I've heard, inadvertently, is that his wife is financially ripping him a new one.