Thursday, January 14, 2010

Haitian Disaster relief



“There are moments when, even to the sober eye of Reason, the world of our sad humanity must assume the aspect of Hell”
Edgar Allan Poe
Ignoring recent stupid and insensitive comments by Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh it is my sincerest hope that we Americans could set aside our petty and ridiculous differences long enough to help the people of Haiti in this darkest of times.
Despite our advantages many Americans have a talent for seeing the world only through their narrow perceptions of reality. We often overlook the struggles others face for the very basics of survival on a daily basis in the best of times. The reverse is also true in that we Americans can rally and move mountains to bring hope and comfort to those who have lost everything.
Here is a convenient link supplied by Google for two relief organizations. Unicef and Care

More charitable organizations from the Morning Joe website.
My personal donation I just gave was small but I plan on donating more as quickly as possible.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The true nature of human development and marriage




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Truth be told most I have fairly recently come to realize that men are not only ignorant of the true nature of the demands of marriage but simply do not have the capacity to understand the details even when they are explained on a kindergarten level. Which begs the question how did men get this way?
Well in my opinion it probably started while our ancestors still lived in trees. In actuality I think it was the women evolving the bigger brains and they simply got tired of the persistently lazy guys swinging around enjoying the first true sport of throwing handfuls of poop at each other, like Howler monkeys do even now, and getting a buzz from eating overripe fruit. At some point the ladies rebelled and pushed us out of the trees demanding that we stop throwing poop and help with the babies. Men being as stupid as they are didn’t have the sense to climb back up in the tree at night and instead went off romping through the jungle. Given such clueless behavior, the first predator we chanced upon unimpressed with our poop throwing tactics would have quickly made us a light snack. Thankfully, the females climbed down looking for us and forced us into caves. That I believe was due less for their concern for the stupid, roving males and more for their love of living space with far more square-footage.
Now living in caves only postponed any solution to the original problem. Instead of being lazy and shiftless in trees, our primitive ancestors were being lazy and shiftless on the ground. But at least we guys were not throwing poop anymore, which the ladies saw as a small improvement, and by the time fire and spears were invented the females could just send us off to hunt.
Of course advancement eventually had our species move into houses but while you may be able to take the monkey out of the trees he is still a lazy bum. Because instead of sending us guys out to hunt we now bought our food from grocery stores allowing us to stay home and watch our new favorite sports of football, baseball, ladies beach volleyball, and bass fishing tournaments while drinking beer all day. Given the lack of poop splatter and smell to contend with you would think the females would be happy but the ease and convenience of our new civilized behavior exacerbated our old issues. After centuries of dealing with the shiftless hordes the ladies had finally had enough and decided that action must be taken. Luckily, for us guys at least a small number of them felt that we had a few useful talents and along with the basic need for reproduction to continue the species decided to try to teach us some basic skills.
The most convenient avenue to accomplish such a task was of course to lull us less advanced members of the species into a false sense of bliss and security and once the marriage ceremony was over bring the hammer down at some point and force us knuckle dragging brutes into some sort of civilized behavior. That in the nutshell is it folks, marriage is less a commitment of love between two people but more a continuation of a million year old battle to get us guys to help around the tree, cave, or house.
Like most marriages the opening skirmishes for me started out all warm and fuzzy with my wife and me calling each other by cute nicknames, holding hands all the time, and seeing each others faults as cute endearing traits. Our first year together we lived in a small one bedroom apartment whose total living space in square footage was not much above a large walk-in closet found in many of the upper scale McMansions these days. But as a newlywed couple the close confines were thought of as “cozy” offer both certain challenges and advantages.
Meals were a tag team event with one person preparing one portion of the coming meal then handing off to the other for something else to be done. Being newly married our joint meal preparations were all most entirely dishing out the take-home Chinese or the pizza that we had delivered. Cleaning was not much of an issue since like all walk-in closets a quick couple of passes with a vacuum and the carpet was clean. The bathroom and kitchen could be tackled separately very quickly, especially since they were almost too small for more than one person to occupy at one time.
As far as the advantages to a small apartment, a young couple can find more than a few interesting and frankly unusual places for clothing optional “exercises.” Although, just from my own personal experience those types of exercises performed on the attached small patio, even very late at night, tend to have negative effects on the neighbors no matter how much fun you all may be having.
But like all good things the false sense of bliss and security soon ended when we moved into our first house and my wife brought the hammer down and began training me in earnest, with admittedly mixed results.
Those short-term issues like home improvements and lawn care didn’t take too much time. While the reasons for changing out things like light fixtures, wallpaper, and paintings may escape me I have long since learned to go with the flow. My training has even developed to the point that when I’m asked for my opinion on the replacements I know the subtle and unconscious gestures my wife uses to signify which ones she prefers. My ancient ancestors may have been poop-throwing monkeys but only a single cell amoeba would actually be dumb enough to voice his honest opinion on such abstract questions.
The long-term stuff involved learning to cook something other than microwaveable pizzas for dinner, lessons in the evils of dust and soap scum, and why dirty clothes belong in the laundry hamper and not piled in a corner of the bedroom. Over time I actually learned to cook some decent meals that while are not gourmet in any sense are at least a little more complex than hamburger helper. Repeated lessons have actually taught me the benefits of dusting although I still haven’t figured out why soap scum is so hated by women. Now if there is one thing I have mastered its laundry, I can have all the clothes divided into proper categories, washed, and folded long before my wife has any idea the chore needed to be done.
While there has been some successes in my wife’s attempt to civilize me there have been some failures. The cap on the toothpaste thing is still troublesome and a cause for discord. I have no idea why this should be an issue, it’s not like the toothpaste will run out of an open tube.
Putting a new roll of toilet paper on the holder when the only thing left is the cardboard cylinder is a rather important thing for my wife. This failure I blame on my upbringing. We poor country folk just set the new roll of toilet paper on the toilet lid resting atop a small pile of magazines available for anyone to read while they go about their natural business. Remarkably, even that habit is something my wife has tried to break me of since we were married.
However, if there is one thing that drives my wife crazy is my unbreakable habit of leaving the toilet seat up. After years of training trying to get me to raise the seat for my business and then to lower it once I’m done even now there are times when my primitive brain fails me.
Just this last Christmas Eve when not a creature was stirring and my wife and I had finished settling our yearly account with Santa we made our way to bed. I had worked the night before and had not slept any during Christmas Eve day keeping the kids busy. My wife had spent the day preparing for Christmas dinner and dealing with the added complications brought on by her folks calling up and saying they were coming to our house after all instead of driving up to Richmond to be with their other daughter.
While I dozed off rather quickly I still heard her get up and in the darkness amble to the bathroom. Seconds later, once I heard the subdued splash of her falling the extra couple of inches in the porcelain bowl. Instantly I was wide-awake realizing that I had left the seat up again. The muffled grumbles that I heard before she came back out was nothing compared to the lecture I got as she crawled back into bed.
I had no excuse; all I could do was agree to my horrendous actions and my total lack of common decency. After a few minutes I turned over and let her anger slowly fade as we both drifted off to sleep. Before I was completely lost to sleep I did hear one more thing that got me to wondering about the whole nature of men, women and marriage in general.
“It would be far easier to teach a monkey to put the seat down after he’s done.” She said fading off to sleep.
Millions of years of human advancement and it always boils back down to the sins of our monkey ancestors who first jump down from the trees. Sort of make me wonder why we ever gave up poop throwing.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Evolutionary collateral damage



Idiots come in all shapes and sizes but when they play with guns the results can be especially deadly and here in the South we seem full of them. Growing up in the rural South I was exposed to rifles, shotguns, and pistols at a young age and quickly learned that they were never to be considered toys. My grandfather for whom as a child had to hunt for his food was the one who instructed me on the safe and proper use of any weapon that I might have a chance to try. From the very beginning when I was just shooting a simple BB-gun he would make it very clear that whenever the weapon was loaded I was to have it pointed toward whatever target we were using because for him safety was the number one concern.
Any horse play with even an unloaded weapon would quickly result in it being taken away and a spanking if my behavior even came close to endangering another person. While serving in the army I would often chuckle at the sergeants running the various weapon ranges because the tone they carried and the extent they went to assure that no one would get hurt sounded so much like my grandfather.
Because of this weapons to me do not really hold the glamour that many civilians seem to endow in them. Sure, I occasionally enjoy watching some show on the Military Channel showing off the latest development in weapons but such shows quickly lose my interest after the basics are revealed. Heaven forbid I possibly sound elitist but I'm far more interested in things that lead to constructive and beneficial developments to the country and world.
But for many civilians weapons hold a glamour that I frankly find disturbing at times. Wannabe Rambos and War Geeks who never served look to their collection of rifles and pistols as the defining items of their manhood. They boast of what would happen to some stupid criminal that had the temerity to break into their homes. It isn't hard to get such people to delve into their darker, surreal fantasies of the federal Bogeyman out to take their weapons and what they would do to oppose such actions.
Most of these people are full of bluster and hot air but it would be a drastic mistake to not understand that there are many hardcore types for which the words: "they will get my guns when they pry my cold, dead fingers from them" is a brutal honesty. These people have that insane gleam in their eyes that I'm sure has excused a whole manner of atrocities all across the world all in the name of God, gold, or some greater abstract glory.
While it might seem strange for me to write the most terrifying of those in "love" with their weapons are those for who never learned that no rifle, shotgun, or pistol is a toy. The best, and least destructive, example I know of this happened in the late 1980's. During this time my grandfather had retired and had taken a part-time job as a security guard at one of the gated condo communities close to the beach. His job was simple, just wave the residents whose car had a sticker attached to the windshield through and stop those who didn't. It wasn't long before he was joined by a young guy who had once been employed as a police officer by one of the nearby small towns. This fella while on duty one night had taken to twirling his pistol like a cowboy before inserting it back into his holster in a snappy motion. Sometime that night while continuing to act like Roy Rogers this sad excuse for a cop shot a co-worker while twirling his weapon. The other guy was okay, it was only a minor leg wound, but the shooter soon found himself beside my granddad waving rich, Jaguar driving guys through the gates to see their mistresses.
Given how my granddad viewed being careful with any firearm he could not stand the guy who even then all he could talk about was his collection of guns in his trailer back home. While the shooter, and the guy he accidentally shot, got off lucky others have had far more tragic outcomes. I may be accused of being heartless when I like idiots with guns prove the Darwinian effect and cull the shallow end of the human gene pool. However, such people all too often don't solve the problem of their problematic existence but instead hurt the innocent.
ARJUN RAMACHANDRANJanuary 5, 2010 - 8:13AM
A four-year-old boy has been killed by a falling bullet that was fired into the air during New Year's Eve celebrations in the US.
Marquel Peters was playing a video game inside a church in the state of Georgia when the bullet pierced the roof and hit him in the head, local media reported.
He collapsed on the floor alongside his parents, bleeding, and was taken to hospital where he died.
"I saw his Nintendo game fall on the floor, and I heard a sound and I heard him scream a little bit and I looked around and all I saw was blood coming from his head," Marquel's mother Nathalee Peters told a local TV station."
"He was my only child ... I miss him, I loved him, he was so sweet," she told Sky News.
Ballistics experts told local media the bullet had most likely come from an AK-47 assault rifle, and may have been fired into the air up to five kilometres from the church.
Police believed the shooter may be unaware someone had been hurt by their bullet.
Marquel's family planned to return to the church - where they were regulars - for his funeral, reported the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
"I'm a faith believer, but it's just hard," his uncle Garry Peters said. "Why at church?"
According to the Journal-Constitution, the 350 people gathered inside heard a "loud pop" when the bullet pierced the roof .
"No one knew what it was," Mr Peters said.
After Marquel was taken to hospital, the congregation said a brief prayer for him before continuing with a planned concert, not realising his injuries were life-threatening, senior pastor Lloyd Phipps told the paper.
Soon after Marquel died, a six-year-old Italian boy was also shot by a stray bullet in Miami.
Andrea Fregonese was celebrating New Year's Eve with his family - only hours after authorities had urged people not to fire their guns in the air in celebration - when he was shot in the chest, apparently by a falling bullet.
His family were sitting at an outside restaurant at the time.
The mayor of Miami Tomas Regalado arranged for toys to be brought to Andrea at hospital, where he was in a serious but stable condition, to show "that we care and that we're sorry".

My question after reading that article is why haven't I heard about this story on American news?

Thursday, December 31, 2009

To dream the impossible dream



As I sit here sipping an ice cold beer my mind has taken off on a warp speed flight of fancy. Slipping the surly bonds of a drab reality with its chilly winds and persistent drizzle from iron gray clouds that have hung over the house all day my wildest fantasies-and yes they are mostly about sex-seem to take on an existence all their own.

A beautiful young lady whose body moves with a sensual cat-like grace climbs up the companionway from the cabin of my 42' Catalina sailboat wearing only the barest of shoulder wraps and fish net stockings carrying a bottle of Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam Champagne. She joins me on the rear deck sitting next to me, her body smelling of both soft flowers and the salty ocean.

I slowly work the cork of the Champagne bottle out taking my time not to wanting to waste the golden liquid. But in a sudden spasm it explodes releasing the pressure stored inside. My beautiful companion gazes at me with a smile that is both demure and seductive.

After the champagne is poured we relax in each others arms sipping the cold liquid and gaze out across the dark South Pacific waters listening to the sounds of the nearby deserted tropical island feeling the blood in our bodies race to the primal beat of the jungle at night. Above us the stars of the Milky Way blaze with a rare radiance that cause my companion and I to draw closer. The light of those stars reflecting off her ebony skin almost gives her body a heavenly glow. Her touch is scorching and that longing look of promise beckons us to taste the wine from each others lips.

She draws away briefly to undo the light, sheer wrap that she left the cabin wearing. As it falls gently to the deck I gaze at her stunning body. She reaches for me again, slowly moving her hands down my chest..........

Sorry, but as expected both my daughter and wife has joined me in the upstairs room forcing the usual retreat from my beer-induced dream and back to boring reality. Like the title implies, its the impossible dream.

It is my sincerest hope that everyone in our extended group has a Happy New Year and that the second decade of the 21st century is at least a little better than the cluster fuck of the last ten years. Special arrangements are being considered for late December of 2012 figuring that if the world is going to end like the crazed media has suggested about all the Mayan calender drama we all need to have an uproarious doomsday party.

No, I don't believe the world will end but I sure as Hell ain't going to hang around the in-laws like I did with the wife when many were freaking about the Y2K stuff thinking the missiles would fly cause the Air Force boys and the Russkies hadn't upgraded their computers from the 1970's.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

After the house of cards has fallen.

Watching the large screen mounted on the far wall of the seedy little Mexican bar I liked to hang out in you would have figured that the final cessation of hostilities called the Second American Civil War would have drawn more attention. I know it wasn’t the same as the Chinese manned landing on Mars or the establishment of their first Helium-3 mining facility on the moon but Americans these last few years were having a hard time doing much beyond killing each other. The collection of delegates representing the various new American nations and assorted militias and factions were a study in contrast from smug superiority to casual indifference to barely hidden despair.

The presidents of the resurrected Confederate States, Republic of Texas, and Republic of Alaska stood on one side of the group standing for the photo op along with their various allies. The three new heads of state were clearly happy on ending up atop the burned and destroyed remains of society. In the middle was the monarch of the newly restored Kingdom of Hawaii and the Prime Minister of Puerto Rico, both clearly impatient to get away from those that surrounded them. On the other end were the presidents of California, the states of the Atlantic American Federation, and the Republic of Olympia which was made up of Oregon and Washington State. These two men and one woman at least had the sense to realize what the formal peace treaty meant. They huddled close and could be seen whispering to each other, refusing to even attempt to wear a false political mask and smile for the cameras. None of the assemblied group wanted to stand next the Grand Councilman of the Mormon Republic who was seperated from the others by a few feet. His intent look of disdain clearly showed such distance was fine with him.

But the crowd in my formerly secluded bar seemed to be making a point to ignore the television Ricardo, the owner of the bar, had recently installed showing the proceedings. Most were hidden in the shadows intent on their card games. Piles of Mexican New Pesos, empty beer bottles, and discarded playing cards littered the tables as stony eyed men and women watched for deception from their table mates. A few faced a far corner of the room listening to a young senorita play a sad tune on an old guitar. Others scattered about just stared off into space, seemingly frozen and lost to the world with only a gradually emptying bottle to show they moved at all.

I couldn’t fault them; most were long time American expats living in Tapachula. Watching the horrific comedy that was American politics and society unfold was simply something to be avoided. On the other hand from my point of view sitting at the bar nursing both a warm beer and a very cynical attitude I was proud of how I had long since abandoned the land of the ignorant and the home of the spoiled. What is now a whole other lost era twenty-three years ago I came from a very patriotic family caught up in America’s War on Terror. When I turned eighteen in 2004 I proudly volunteered to serve in the army of the now former United States. When offered a chance to learn to fly helicopters a couple of years later I jumped at it and excelled in my training finding my way inside an Apache gunship.

My service took me to Iraq and Afghanistan several times and later in 2013, Pakistan when the newly elected trailer trash from the last frontier convinced the nation expanding the war would in fact end it. All it did was result in the Pakistani government falling and a nuclear exchange between it and India killing millions. What did the good people of the United States do after causing untold deaths? They elected her Vice President to live in the White House with Congressional inquiries derailed by her party or abandoned by the spineless opposition.

The memories of burned children were forever imprinted on my brain as military commanders sent us into the affected areas bringing supplies to help as many as we could. When my enlistment was up I sought work flying choppers anyplace but the States. To my still patriotic family I became a ghost and for me they became a blank, a part of my life that I refused to think about.

“Please sir”, a voice called behind me pulling me away from my memories and the screen. I focused my eyes on the prime example of the American Diaspora. She was barely twenty, had blonde hair that hadn’t seen any type of real soap in weeks with God knows what crawling around on her scalp. Sunken eyes that betrayed despair and that she was living off far fewer calories than she needed. Her clothes were clean but had the look of hand washing which was a sign of the United Nations ran refugee camps scattered around southern Mexico. It was my guess that five years ago, before America’s ultimate suicide, she was some upwardly mobile suburban kid, her family desperately hanging onto the disappearing middleclass lifestyle, dreaming of marrying some high school jock, while listening to the newest music and texting the latest Hollywood gossip to her friends.

Now at best she was reduced to begging, at best, and at worst she was pulling tricks on the side to make a little money for the family stuck back at the camp. I studied her for several moments wondering which tack she would take with me. Despite my cynical attitude I wasn’t beyond slipping her a few New Pesos nor was I beyond bringing her to my little apartment, cleaning her up, and making her work for the money.

“What do you want Sweetie?” I said smiling, gauging the look in her eyes. The gaunt and empty look of her face could not hide that she had figured out the timeless ways of desperate women knowing they had only their bodies to make a living. Despite her physical appearance and condition a very young woman was standing in front of me and I had been alone for almost two years since my last girlfriend had gotten tired of my ways. It wouldn’t take much to clean off the dirt and fatten her up beyond the near skeleton standing in front of me.

“Well sir,” she said stepping closer to the bar stool a sickly coy smile dancing across her face. My apparent reaction was enough for her to reach for my hand only to lightly stroke it. “It’s not what you can do for me, but what how I can make you feel. What’s it worth? On that I know we can we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement, don’t you think?”

My pulse had quickened considerably and I found myself reaching for my wallet to pay my tab long before my brain realized that the decision had been made. Ricardo has seen the exchange and called me over before I had a chance to leave.

“Luke my friend, are you sure you want to get involved with the ragged yanqui? Look at the green card hanging around your neck, the federales are cracking down on these vermin and all the troubles they have brought with them. You don’t want to endanger your resident status for just a little piece of young pussy do you?

Ricardo was just being a friend and understood my answer as I grabbed the young woman’s hand and walked out his bar. “Vermin?” I called out at the last minute. “Ricardo my friend, if she performs to my liking I may marry her.”

It was close to sundown and Tapachula was coming alive with vendors and street performers greeting the people who were finally coming back out after spending the hot afternoon indoors hiding from the heat. The girl remained quiet not offering a name and me not really caring right then but I couldn’t help but begin wondering about her story.

I figured in my head that she and her family, if she had one, might be survivors from the Rockville, Maryland massacre in which the Southern Free Soldiers of Jesus infiltrated across the Potomac to make a point of killing every man, women, and child they could find in an otherwise collection of neutral refugee camps. The handful of survivors were told to spread the word it was for the greater glory of Southern independence and to teach the vengeful lessons of Christ to the godless masses. A joint British/French team monitoring other camps raced to collect the survivors and get them out of the shattered country. The local Tapachula paper had reported a batch of the new refugees came from those camps.

Once back inside my little apartment the woman was quickly sent off to the shower with two bottles of soap while I washed the clothes she had worn. While she was scrubbing herself clean I made us dinner knowing in my sick head it was the first step in getting her ready for the real reason I had brought her to my place.
After a couple of hours the door opened and she walked out wearing the robe I had loaned her and a towel wrapped around her wet hair. Dinner was laid out on the kitchen table and she fell upon the simple rice and beans like a locust devours wheat, cleaning both her plate and what was left in the pot on the stove. Once that was done she looked up at me with eyes both grateful and wanting more.

I offered her a beer and guided her to a set of chairs next a set of open French style doors looking out upon the city. She took the offered seat arranging her robe to show off her legs. I sat next her dragging a small table over with a tray of crackers and cheeses which she attacked with as much gusto as the rice and beans.

“So tell me your story”, I said stretching out and watching her eat and thinking about what we would be doing in a short time. I found out her name was Jenny, although she said it was actually Jennifer on her birth certificate. At that moment I didn’t give a damn but it became an issue not long later.

Between her munching on the cheese and crackers she began her story. “My family was from southern Missouri,” she said, “and our town was loyal to the state government and in turn the elected federal president…”

I had to laugh right there, not only because she was from the general area of my home state but her use of the phrase “elected federal president.” If there was anyone one particular reason that pushed America off the cliff into the abyss was the 2022 election. After the brilliant light of progressive politics flamed out less than a year after getting elected in 2008 leaving his coalition demoralized and fighting amongst themselves the other party found itself rallying around radicalized policies with talk of purity tests and talking back the country as if it had ever been out of their hands.

The 2012 election was a foregone conclusion with the minions of the newly elected president quickly moving to engineer a permanent majority much like the chief adviser of a previous president wanted to do. Even after the 2013 nuclear exchange between Pakistan and India while Madam President had screwed the pooch far too much to survive politically her Vice President was able to carry the election even as the other party was able to win back enough seats to claim just one house of Congress.

Blatant political maneuvering and sheer cowardice after that kept the country in gridlock unable to answer the major issues that faced it. While the government was mired to the point of ineffectiveness the people became more polarized with lines being drawn and no middle ground to be found. It all came to a head in 2022 when a new and angry coalition was formed promising to change the way America worked. However, the machinery that had been established to protect those holding the reins of power leaped back into action to keep control of the government. But, the victory was so obviously fixed that protests quickly boiled over into street brawls, then riots, then full scale battles which involved the National Guard then the army. The army itself was by this time was so riddled with the same factions that had polarized the country it quickly fell apart along the same lines bringing an end to the experiment called the United States of America.

Jenny was looking at me quizzically, even stopping her relentless eating of a dwindling supply of cheese and cracker on the tray. “Sorry, go ahead," I said.

She looked off in the distance for a moment and started again. “But a band of American People’s Liberation fighters came down from Illinois and burned us out. They overwhelmed National Guard forces and after stealing everything of value set off a bio-bomb inside the town which contaminated the entire county. It was some sort of flu virus that killed my father and grandmother and about two thousand others but my mom, brother, and I didn’t even catch a cold.”

“What happened after that?” I asked drawn into her faraway look.

“We were gathered up into FEMA camps where an old friend of my mother’s, an old guy named Richard Bowers found us…”

The second she said that name I was thrown back in time. When I was a child a Richard Bowers had been a fixture in my county. “Just where in southern Missouri are you from Jenny?”

“Jackson, a small town just northwest of Cape Girardeau,” she said not understanding the weight of my question.

“Jenny, just what is your last name and what were your parent’s names?”

She hesitated like it might mean a quick exit from a place that had supplied a hot shower with real soap, food, and the promise of a warm bed even if it meant her doing certain things. “My father was named Roger Lucas, my mother's name is Carol.”

Roger Lucas meant nothing to me but hearing the name Carol and looking more closely at Jenny’s face I began to feel an impending revelation hover over me like a hammer about to fall. “Jenny sweetie, what was your mother’s maiden name?”

“She was Carol Allen before she married my father.”

The impact of hearing the name of my baby sister and figuring out that the niece I had never seen was sitting essentially naked in my small apartment with me bringing her to it only to satisfy my sick needs did indeed crush both my mind and what was left of my spirit. God knows I’m far from the sickest person living in this town but that moment brought the realization that the degree of my perversion didn’t matter. I could no longer blame others for my disengagement with life and people and how I cushioned it in a cocoon of cynicism.

God and me had been on the outs since I had to fly into medical camps outside the blasted remains of both Islamabad and New Delhi seeing dead children piled up like cord wood as bulldozers readied mass graves. The question that raced through my mind at the time was how a loving God could allow such things. I left the responsibility for such actions at God’s doorstep never once considering how humanity itself could be at fault.

Jenny, not knowing that she had stumbled onto her lost uncle, looked more scared at the tears now streaming down my face than I was surprised at their mere existence. I still doubted if God was even out there but I must admit this circumstance and how it so seemingly happened by accident left even that assumption dented.

Jenny took the revelation about as unemotionally as I thought she would. She had simply been through far too much with her scars running to deep for tears of her own. But she slept soundly and alone in my bed minutes later with me watching the city lights and the people walk along the streets. The next day we headed out to the refugee camp to find her mother and brother.

The filth and desperation at the camps equaled anything I had seen while in the army. Except this time it was Americans living as refugees, looked down and laughed at by the world. It was a surreal and humbling experience and I’m sure those left back in the former United States still a hair’s breath away from resuming the civil war over laughable political differences and territorial aspirations thought nothing of such camps spread out all over the world and in America.

I brought my sister, niece, and nephew back to my place permanently with the intention of finding a larger place for us all. It was not a warm family reunion but both my sister and I knew that we had a responsibility to Jenny and her brother Kevin. And while the rest of the American people had lost sight of their duties to their children seeking only to keep old and imaginary wounds open I could at least do the right thing for mine.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Rambling Christmas Essay



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Standing on the precipice staring into the abyss for too long wrapped up in our collective fears and prejudices our humanity is stretched beyond the breaking point. The animal instinct to view the stranger, the unknown, and the different overrides our better angels and we only see the world as a place of horror and danger. In this state we all too easily abandon our compassion and our conscious for the easy rationalization that only our small group holds the God give rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness or even worse, come to believe that we are God’s only chosen people.
Such justifications have allowed every nation, tribe, or religion to subjugate and enslave those weaker than themselves. Such actions only result in a bitter harvest because those that dominated now will in time through inherent human weakness only fall from power and change places with those that were once slaves. This cycle only feeds on itself condemning our children to a continuous reign of terror where only the names change.
When the world was much larger and people were fewer such cycles could be contained but the world has changed and our numbers have exploded and our new toys have become a danger not only to the human race but the earth itself. But our ways have not; we are still the same violent and ignorant race that only a few thousand years ago looked out at the night from the cave fearing the darkness and what demons lurked beyond the safety of the fire.
Figures through history have warned us of our primitive and destructive ways; only for those messengers of peace and love to have their words bent to serve the needs of those seeking power and dominance not only of their fellow men and women but of the earth itself.
Still we go on clawing our way on top of each other sacrificing the many for the benefit of the few. The words of peace and love curiously both strained to serve our own purpose and ignored when they become inconvenient to what ends we wish to justify, the greater glories of creation forgotten for the shallow and tepid joys of material goods and to serve our egos.
It is hard not to see warnings in the wind with a few worried people crying out that we can’t go on very much longer like this. A few understand that it is our time to grow up and learn that we are no longer a scattered band of savages struggling to keep our small group safe from the dangers of a world we did not understand. That denying the basic rights and needs of others for reasons of power or to please a distant and quiet God does nothing but seal our own destiny in sadness.
Despite our intransigent ways change does come, although the pace is slow with setbacks and blind alleys as we fight with ourselves over which changes should come first. Let’s hope that the second decade of the twenty-first century can be a time of changing the course of our violent history, realizing that while we cannot change our nature we can begin to understand that it can be controlled and channeled for more productive results.
Such efforts to tame the worst aspects of our nature are by far the most important task we can undertake. But we have no other option; we have to answer this challenge because we say we love our children, that we hope for them at least the happiness we enjoyed. But such happiness is everyday more tied to the lack of happiness of some lost soul on the other side of the world living in fear and need.

Failure will only result in the eventual fall of us all. To change and alter our history for the better we will have to embrace the stranger, the unknown, and those far different than ourselves. Words will no longer suffice, actions and painful efforts will have to take their place but truth be told this has been known all through our civilized existence it’s just that the stakes have never been this high. In the end its more than just about simple survival, it’s about being the people we have always wanted to be, it’s about finding that spark of the divine God created inside each of us.






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Sunday, December 20, 2009

Lost and found in the woods



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The active army of the mid to late 1980’s I served in no longer exists. It was a peace time army whose primary mission at the time was to prepare and be ready for a Soviet invasion of Western Europe. The term “Dog and pony show” was used a lot to describe the daily affairs that seemed to bog down into the mundane waiting for the legions of Soviet tanks to cross the Fulda Gap starting the next world war. Such duties spawned less than motivated attitudes and at times let some slip into leadership positions whose approach to how they lead men could be less than inspiring.
For me being a Southern boy winters in Colorado were right from the start a learning experience. Many times during the morning hours of a new day that I would watch heavy, dark clouds slide in from the west only to sink over Cheyenne Mountain literally flow down the eastern side like a liquid knowing that a snow storm was highly likely later on.
It was during such a morning as the First Sergeant read off such things as who had head count at the mess hall, the revised CQ schedule for the barracks, and what poor fool was on his weekly shit list the snow, which had only been light flurries until then, within minutes became a raging snow storm.

For us enlisted standing in formation it was par for the course with everyone standing at ease listening to the First Sergeant but for the fresh batch of young lieutenants that were newly arrived to the unit from the various places such refuse is compacted, given a gold colored bar to wear as rank and then sent out with maps to get soldiers lost it was a new experience. These young military leaders could easily be heard jumping around behind the formation trying to keep warm in their starched, brand-new uniforms and heard whispering about how damn cold they were. So when the First Sergeant finally called us to attention to have us fall out and begin that day’s duties both the NCO’s and us enlisted couldn’t help by snicker some at the genuine sighs of relief coming from behind us.

That day was spent at the motor pool doing simple maintenance on the assorted company vehicles and just trying to stay warm. For the young lieutenants playing platoon leader for the first time it was a hectic day running back and forth from offices with policy papers, duty forms, and sign-out sheets trying to become fully integrated with the unit. The snow storm, which had only gotten worse over the hour or so it took us to arrive at the motor pool, was making matters harder as they often had to go looking for their platoon sergeants to ask how something was done or if they could go to the latrine by themselves.

Being grizzled and experienced veterans many platoon sergeants get tired of offering wisdom and advice to little boys who upon receiving their gold bar signifying the rank of Second Lieutenant immediately believe they are Patton, Macarthur, or even Alexander the Great and went to great pains to legally adjust their misguided and delusional attitudes.

Sergeant Terrance Lewis was such a man. After twenty-five years of service he was as burned out as a NCO could get. Lewis had joined the army to escape a bad neighborhood full of crime and family violence only to finish training and be dropped into the middle of Vietnam with all sorts of locals trying to kill him. Well humans being a strange breed Lewis completed his year in country having survived both the locals overtly trying to kill him as well as a nasty case of VD that came close on its own and after some soul searching decided he would reenlist. Reenlistment brought a tour of duty over in beautiful Germany in which the young man found that all foreigners don’t automatically hate Americans, unless they get caught dating a young frau whose father had very 1940’s ideas.

Years later after all sorts of adventures the now tired and weary Sergeant Lewis found his closing days in the army being spent in a cold place far from his hometown Atlanta dealing which such fine examples of the American educational system as an addled brained country boy from South Carolina. Lewis found that if he gritted his teeth hard enough and his truly lovely wife kept his blood pressure medicine prescription filled he could deal with the assorted misfits that battalion personnel had assigned him. That is until Sergeant Lewis was saddled with about the worst example that the Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) had let slip through the cracks.

Second Lieutenant William C. Caldwell was the only son of now retired army colonel, and combat veteran, who by all accounts had raised his son specifically for the purpose to make him a combat hero in one of America’s wars and to achieve the rank of general. That is son never should have worn the uniform much less been part of the officer corps was evident to everyone from the moment he arrived at the unit.

The poor fellow had a very short stature, was skinny and physically weak, and making things worse had such a high pitched voice that he always sounded like he was whining no matter what he said. After Caldwell had taken over duties as our platoon leader, Sergeant Lewis soon found himself not only guiding him, as was his responsibility to the inexperienced officer, but correcting the most simple and basic affairs that he should have known from his Officer Basic Course where he was suppose learn such things as drill, ceremonies, basic leadership skills, and customs to name a few. After a few months it became very apparent that Sergeant Lewis had cut the young lieutenant loose and was going to allow him to figure everything out on his own and swim or continue to be a walking example of the term FUBAR and sink.

Where I came into the picture was during that snow storm in which had a few others and myself cranking up and running our brand new humvees to charge up the batteries along with securing the interiors of the vehicles to prevent the snow from getting inside.

These humvees only had soft panel doors made of vinyl with a very primitive door handle made from about the weakest plastic available to American manufacturing. Add very cold weather and the handles would often break at the slightest touch resulting in some tiny increase in the profit margin for the corporation and I'm sure huge bonuses for some suit sitting in his corner office that thought up the idea of selling crap to the army.

Which given chance and purposeful crappy design is what happened. I accidentally broke the door handle and in a blur I was pushed out by my loyal comrades who were sitting inside the vehicle with me enjoying the one thing the manufacture got right, the heater. Knowing they would not let me back until I got the replacement I made my way to the maintenance garage to sign one out.

The motor pool was sectioned off with the other companies of the battalion each having a portion where their vehicles were lined up along with a large shipping container used to store equipment and a few tools. My quest for a new door handle would have me walking diagonally through the motor pool to reach my unit’s garage and as I was doing so I began to hear someone whistling the ABBA tune “Dancing Queen” and immediately realized that my platoon’s beloved lieutenant was walking nearby. Now if the world was fair and just no one who would openly whistle “Dancing Queen” would be allowed to possibly lead men into combat but at least I knew my ABBA loving platoon leader was close and adjusted my course to greet and salute him.
I stepped out from behind a shipping container well enough in front of the man that I shouldn’t have had to worry about surprising him even with the snow obscuring visibility. Caldwell, at least to me, was clearly visible carrying his expensive briefcase he kept all his paperwork in and about ten feet away I snapped a salute and said “good morning sir”.
Somehow I had disturbed the young officer with him jumping in surprise, dropping his briefcase which of course popped open with the wind blowing away his papers, and him coming to attention and saluting me.
“Good morning colonel,” Caldwell said awaiting a reply and holding the salute which at the time me being only a private first class, not quite the lowest rank in the army but with the difference not being enough to brag about, I was at a loss to say anything so I just returned the salute and kept on walking noticing the headphones somewhat tucked under his BDU cap and trailing wire leading to what I believed would have been an old Sony Walkman with built in cassette player. Such an addition to the army uniform was not allowed for enlisted and for and officer, well let’s just say it would have called for a major ass chewing if in fact the colonel had caught him wearing it.
Momentarily enjoying my totally improper and utterly impossible field promotion, and not wanting the lieutenant to realize his mistake, I picked up the pace to get away from the man now chasing his papers being blown across the motor pool. Only to have Sergeant Lewis step out from behind another storage container with me realizing almost instantly from the look on his face that he had been hiding behind the storage container and that he had seen the entire incident.
“Please tell me he didn’t salute and call you colonel.” Lewis said sounding both tired and resigned staring off in the distance as the lieutenant disappeared into the blowing snow chasing his papers.
The idea of getting stuck between two people, both with far higher rank that I have has never appealed to me. But when it came to a choice between the lieutenant who by all visible signs would have a hard time finding his way out of a water paper bag and the grizzled combat veteran who survived the best the Vietcong and a Saigon brothel could throw at him I found it a no brainer.
“Yeah, Sergeant he did seem to have me confused.” I said trying to be at least a little diplomatic. Sergeant Lewis ignored my remark and just walked away snatching the briefcase the lieutenant had dropped and left behind to chase down his paperwork.
I sort of felt bad about the situation since I was the one who had now set the lieutenant up for more trouble which would be even worse once Sergeant Caldwell saw the Walkman he was wearing. In truth Lieutenant Caldwell had been pretty cool toward us enlisted and daily gave the other sergeants of the platoon plenty of shit. The main reason for this may have been because he was about the same age as us. It wasn’t until I became a noncommissioned officer myself that I realized how off base he was with this behavior.
A couple of months later the battalion went out on its own for a week long field training exercise namely to integrate all the new arrivals. For Lieutenant Caldwell this relatively minor field exercise was going to be his crunch time being that he simply wasn’t getting the hang of actual military life despite the best efforts of all who had contact with him.
At first things went fairly well for the struggling lieutenant until it came time for him to lead a convoy back to the rear. The battalion cooks had been left at the mess hall for the exercise with them making the morning and evening chow which was picked up and transported out to the battalion bivouac area. Lieutenant Caldwell was tasked one day to lead the group in, pick up the chow along with other items and be back before nightfall, which of course just didn’t happened.
Nightfall came with an over 400 man sized unit wondering where in the Hell evening chow was and looking longingly at a small nearby colony of prairie dogs with them hovering visibly nearer to their holes as if a coyote was nearby. Sergeant Lewis right from the moment the lieutenant became overdue knew the worst had happened and went out looking for the lost convoy.
Not only had the lieutenant gotten lost taking the three deuce and a half cargo trucks and drivers along with him but had somehow guided one into a pond with the cab flooded up to the seats. Being that radios at the time were not normally installed in such vehicles there was no way for him to contact the unit so and with it being dark Caldwell decided it would be best just to wait for the unit to find him.
While Fort Carson is a large post the battalion was bivouacked just a short distance on a secondary road just off the main highway going down range. Once all concerned were accounted for with the evening chow being served and the nearby prairie dog colony breathing a sigh of relief it was determined that Caldwell was delinquent for listening to his Walkman instead of helping the lead driver navigate.
Caldwell was relieved as platoon leader and reassigned to the post Public Affairs Office which amounted to death sentence for his military career and the hopes of his father for another combat hero in the family. At his new assignment Lieutenant Caldwell actually seemed to find his niche dealing with the news media and writing articles for the on-post paper. Given the situation it will be no surprise that Caldwell soon faded into oblivion never stopping by the unit or keeping any contact with the people in it.
What brought on this dubious and long winded romp down memory lane? A few weeks ago as I was surfing the internet looking for something to write about I stumbled upon a somewhat obscure Chicago newspaper with a familiar name listed as one of the writers. Yeah, it was the man I have named in this post as “Caldwell”. I sent off an email just saying hi and got one back yesterday confirming it was my old platoon leader. He seemed to have gotten a kick out one of his former troops finding him writing that leading that truck into the pond was the best thing that had ever happened to him taking him the very place he needed to be. I have come away thinking how funny life can be and how our mistakes at times can be more important for our happiness than our successes.