Lessons I Learned While on Vacation

The first lesson I learned is that inter-species relationships never work out. The lovely lady you see me with in the picture is Jenny and she flirted, kissed, and lead me on for several minutes before dumping me and moving on to someone else breaking my heart. Contrary to what I have heard Jenny felt more like smooth velvet than an old inner tube which the nature shows often say about the texture of dolphin skin.

Another pod mate of Jenny's did visit the small group Miss Wiggles and I were a part of during our dolphin encounter at Discovery Cove, his name was Gary and his skin did feel like an inner tube. It was also easy to tell that Gary had a thing for Jenny, which was one of the reasons the dolphin encounters for that day were so far behind schedule. The two dolphins broke off and swam away during my encounter only to return a few minutes later. What they did I have no real honest idea but from the shit eating grins of the staff I can imagine. As I wrote in the previous post, the entire Discovery Cove pod was reported to be extremely "flirty" that morning.

There are two segments to the second lesson I learned, one is that I will be joining the Hair Club for Men this Father's Day and the other is that after this post I will very rarely post my picture again.




The third lesson I learned was that never talk politics while on vacation when other might hear. Wiggles and I met a very nice liberal lady from Massachusetts who upon learning she and I were South Carolina wanted some sort of explanation of the strange behavior of people from the Palmetto state. For fifteen minutes I tried my best to explain some of the history, the politicians, and bad habits of South Carolina and ended up lost myself and just blaming all the craziness on the state's drinking water and how many babies use to be dropped on their heads during birth.

The only issue was when fellow denizen of South Carolinian, who happened to be nearby, chimed in declaring it wasn't drinking water or babies being dropped on their heads but the strange condition of nearly vertical family trees that happened to be common in the state. None of this was amusing to a family from Texas whose senior member was wearing a "Don't tread on me" pin on his neatly ironed polo shirt with highly starched khaki pants and stylish loafers. They quickly left the area to us sorry ass commie socialists.

Puzzled that two South Carolina liberals should accidentally find themselves on vacation at the same place and time my fellow criminal in wealth redistribution and social justice and I pondered timing our trips so the liberal population of the state would not fall so much in future. Oh yeah about the picture, that is me with a republican buddy I met while at one of the outlet malls Dragonwife forced me to visit.

A smaller lesson learned is that even when my wife cuts up her credit card before vacation so she would not spend any money leaving mine in one piece and active defeats the whole purpose of destroying hers. Plus, it ruins my whole day having to essentially follow her around in places I hate while in a good mood.






The final lesson learned is to always make the bartender your friend. While sitting around the pool all day viewing all manner of scantily-clad MILFs when the crowds start rushing back to the resort after a hot day in the parks making the bartender your friend assures that she will fill your request first as opposed to weary moms and dads tired of Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and those damn Disney chipmunks, Chip and Dale.

That's about it for now, can't promise I will not post more pictures but at least they will not be of me.