Yeah, its my birthday and all I got was a stupid hat

...and maybe something more tonight.

For several years now I have relegated my own birthdays to a back burner of sorts not really wanting to think about it less for reasons of mortality than just the idea I don't want to deal with the hassle. Previous birthdays during this present period had me laying very low avoiding the phone not wanting to try and make conversation with the usual manner of honest well wishers who would call and ask strange questions like what great gifts I had received and what new resolutions or epiphanies that might have suddenly appeared in my head.

Well for one, while I greatly appreciate them for their well meaning thoughts they represents, my collection of cheap Wal-Mart brand colognes is so enormous now I've had to apply for a permit to store hazardous materials here at the house. Not to sound like an ingrate but simply put I have no life-beyond being a chauffeur and loan office for my kids- and because of that I have next to no reason to wear a fragrance that at best smells like a newly scrubbed clean operating room, and believe me I know!

But such is the life of a middle-aged dad whose greatest desire, beyond a bikini clad supermodel walking into my life convinced I'm her long lost love, is spending time on a windswept beach and enjoy watching bikini clad ladies cavort in the sand. Hell, right now I'd just be satisfied to be on a beach with such visions being generated by my own gray, Swiss cheese-like, material that occupies the space between my ears. Thankfully I have a terrific family who goes above and beyond the call of duty to chase such thoughts away by having me running countless missions picking up and dropping off friends, doing insidious serf-like yard work, and assorted home repairs.

On the subject of being asked about birthday resolutions and epiphanies I have wondered if I was somehow delinquent for not pursuing some form of insight that might guide me better in my life. Usually when I respond that no, that no revelation or vision had come my way as I ate my birthday cake I get the this look of resignation as if such a thing was probably a long shot to begin with as far as I was concerned. Truthfully, those who read my prattle already know I ponder the meaning of life and belly button lent on a regular basis. Because of that I have long since come to the conclusion that I must be insane cause the world to me is clearly crazy and I know I can't be the only one sane.

For those reasons birthdays for me have become subdued affairs were quiet contemplation has taken the place of parties and elaborate celebrations. I don't need them and honestly such ostentatious affairs are better left for my kids. Though this morning when asked by my wife if I wanted at least one special thing for myself I answered sex and grilled cheese sandwiches to which after a few minutes she responded "maybe". So I may be having a party after all, I just better not get the melted butter on the bed sheets.