Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Warning, danger ahead you are about to enter the Parrothead Zone

All ye that enter here abandon all hope, logic, reason, and any relationship with normal reality.

Mike over at Tongue in Check has saw fit to tag me and once again the dark inner sanctum of a tequila soaked mind is about to be exposed. I am legally required by my lawyer and wife, Dragonwife, to warn y'all that if your expecting logic and good sense, well your in the wrong place. So with that behind us I'll get started.

  1. I spent a total of 21 years serving in the active army and then the South Carolina National Guard. I retired from the Guard early in 2005 and its a safe bet that the second happiest day in my was when I returned home and tossed my uniform into the dirty clothes basket. After all those years it was really dirty and smelly.
  2. I am 1/16 Cherokee Indian on my mom's side. When I informed a full-blooded Cherokee I was friends with while in the army of this fact he asked me not to pass that information around due to the fact that Native Americans had suffered far to much already.
  3. I work at a hospital repairing steam sterilizers, surgical tables, surgical lights, and when the normal X-ray repair technicians are taking a long lunch...I mean really really busy some place else I pitch hit for them.
  4. My parent's marriage imploded when I was around eleven with the force of a star collapsing into a black hole taking my brothers, sister and me on one of the nastiest divorces rides in the history of Western Civilization. My mother was caught playing doctor with the vet that should have been taking care of my dog. And my dad took a liking to another married lady across town. At some point while my brothers, sister, and myself were spending the night at my grandparents house my mom, the vet, dad, his special lady friend, and her husband all stumbled upon each other at some little not so out of the way place in North Myrtle Beach. Given the reports that have filtered down to me over the years a young Jerry Springer happen to be on vacation at the same time and was very impressed with the fireworks that developed between the two couples. The rest, as they say, is history.
  5. On a more serious note, the current state of our country scares the living hell out of me. Living in the White House is a "man" whose entire life has been engineered by the clever friends of his father. Had W. not been born into the Bush family he would have been lucky to make it as a second rate used car salesman. Using lies, half truths, and deceptions he has tangled the country into a war with no exit plan. We, and the rest of Western Civilization, are dependent on this same region for the very life blood of our economies but yet even after he has done his best to ruin every aspect of our nation's reputation in the region he and his dark sneering pal Cheney have not even begun to work on a national plan to end our dependence on oil from that region. Among his other derelictions of duties: Trampling the civil liberties of this nation all under the guise of "protecting the American people". Hiring unqualified cronies to major posts in the government that affect the lives of millions of people when they fail to provide the services that just a few years before were models of efficient management. Even after it became clear to just about everyone down to a first grader he refused to increase the number of troops in Iraq to stem the tide of chaos when it could have made a difference. Sorry folk, the 30,000 troop surge with forward deployments into the countryside has indeed helped some but the minute troops levels go down to pre-surge levels the absence of any Iraqi reconciliation will condemn that tortured country to full scale civil war. Why the people in this country are not screaming for his impeachment and then removal from office after all his disasters also scares the hell out of me.
  6. Even with my parent's implosion and resulting chaos they put my siblings and I through we were pretty poor candidates for being able to make it to a four year college. While we were not dirt poor, our social and economic position had us securely placed in the blue collar category. But through the GI Bill I was able to get my glorious two year associate degree in Electronics and later, before my son was born, I continued with college courses until I'm just a few semesters short of a four year degree in Information Technology. One day for shits and giggles I'm going to finish the damn thing.
  7. My wife is an attorney and I must to admit that for the first few years of our marriage I was a little intimidated and in awe of the high power types, both male and female, she worked around. That was until I got to know them in greater detail and now to be completely honest I have discovered far too many of them are the stupidest, ignorant of anything outside their interests, close minded, egotistical, lacking any God given common sense to the point that they make the greasiest trailer trash redneck look good. The trouble is many of them are involved in government of a local and state level. As I discovered this fact I started making plans to expatriate to Mexico.
Well thats about it, I hope you have enjoyed your ride through the Parrothead Zone. Please raise your seat and tables to the upright position but only unbuckle your seat belt once you have come to a complete stop and navigated away from this site. The seven lucky people I need to tag are the following:
Mad Mike

I will return to normal comments to my allied bloggers tomorrow night, or as much as the IT Nazis will let me at work.


Mike said...

I have worked with people that have PhD's my whole life and must say that for the most part, I find them to be the dumbest and most useless human beings I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. There is something about being that highly specialized in one subject that makes them borderline retarded on almost all others.

Thanks for playing along.

lime said...

how do ya really feel about dubya? i'm stil a little fuzzy there....;)

what am i supposed to do, random facts about myself? i shall endeavor to be entirely random.

Sara Sue said...

Nicely done. I could barely smell the tequila. Why don't you take my tag too? You're up for seven more random facts, aren't you?

Keshi said...

hehe nice one mate!

**I work at a hospital repairing steam sterilizers, surgical tables, surgical lights, and when the normal X-ray repair technicians are taking a long lunch

seriously? sounds interesting.

u tagged me awww :) I hv done this one b4...go here:


Forrest Proper said...

Nicely done. Yeah- stupid is stupid, and that has nothing to do with education. Jerks are jerks.

Vigilante said...

Hellfires and Shiites, Beach! I'm not about go where you've gone (above). My youngest son has been after me for years to share and bare all on tape before I pass on to warmer climates. Do you think I'm going to do it here? I've self-disclosed this much. More you'll have to beat out of me and then only after you get me drunk enough.

All of this is to say (1) you have more guts than I do and (2) thanks for sharing.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

thanks for sharing. my parents are in the middle of a divorce that is going on 2 years. i may be 23, and not living in the same state as them, but it's all kinds of stressful.

i got tagged yesterday, but i think i'll do my 7 questions tomorow.

Phoebe Fay said...

Yes, a lot of very smart people are complete idiots. Mix that with the dumb people who are idiots, and you have the explanation for the entire state of our nation.

FreeOscar said...

So being married to a lawyer has driven you crazy, yet?

Commander Zaius said...

I'm sorry y'all I had rather long replies to each of your comments and when I went to publish Blogger took that chance to hiccup them into the abyss. This is a second shorter version.

Mike: Amen! Whats worse in my experience is those that look down upon others they see inferior.

Lime: I'm really afraid the bumbling brat could at the very least ruin this country permanently or the worst start WW3.

Sara Sue: Give me a couple of days and a weekend Tequila run and we'll talk. Although I have completely used all my good stuff, I'm actually very boring.

Keshi: Yeah, its a great secure job. But the pay is not anywhere near as great as someone might expect.

Colonel: I wish I could write about the jerks in government I have direct knowledge of, but I would get in BIG trouble.

Vigil: You and I are always cool. You should know now I like making fun of the situations I have found myself in over the years. Plus, its great, cheap therapy.

Tequila Mockingbird: A very good friend of mine once told me that adult children take the divorce of their parents in someways harder than younger kids. My thoughts are with you.

Phoebe Fay: You are absolutely right and that is one of the reason I'm very serious about expatriating to Mexico.

C. Rag: The easy answer would be to write that I was insane to marry her. But plenty of Buffett, Beaches, Tequila, and ocean breezes keep me from going over the edge.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the tag. Good reading. #5 is very disturbing, and why he's not impeached, I have no idea. He'll go down as one of the worst Presidents in history, as well as the President who gave America away.

I'll take you up on the tag this weekend.

Anonymous said...

killing me!

Unknown said...

Hi BeachBum,

Had great fun reading the 7 charming things about you. That you in the pic?

By the way, if Bush hand't been born into Daddy Bush family, I doubt he'd have made it to college. The guy was already a boozehead in high school so I heard.

Here's to you, mate! (Gulps from pint of Guiness...)

Keshi said...

**But the pay is not anywhere near as great as someone might expect.

awww...well its the same everywhere else...Pay is always not enough :)


Anonymous said...

Lord forbid you and the wife ever get a divorce. I have a feeling you'd get the raw end of the deal. LOL

Commander Zaius said...

Zombieslayer: Tom Friedman had a recent column about how China had nothing holding it back as it grew and grew. It has major environmental issues and a simmering unrest but as long as its economy grows its ok. The US on the other hand is pissing away everything on what amounts to a spoil brats scheme for glory. Its entirely possible Bush's stupidity could end our reign as the world power. Some guy, a conservative no less, wrote a column in telling America to watch and learn from France since in less than fifty years we could end up a second rate power like them always pissed off because the new big boy, China,won't play our game.

Donviti: Sorry man.

Keshi: Generally speaking pay for anyone not in the CEO status is not enough.

Preposterous Ponderings: Yeah, its more than a feeling, it was a promise.

Commander Zaius said...

Hillblogger: Yeah, thats me in the picture from basic training in 1984. I had duty the night before and not much sleep the night before that. I was exhausted beyond belief.

Anonymous said...

Good work...
interesting post...
Thanks for sharing......

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