(Author Note: This is serious late and extra long. But warning, it is highly seditious and full of disdain for corporations and American politics. As always, excuse the typos.)
You always hear life has a more
leisurely, almost glacier pace in the tropics but most Americans
simply are unable to grasp the truth of that cliché until they
actually come to live in these hot and sticky environs. I've lived as
an American expat on the Bahamian island of Spanish Wells for close
to seven years now and I still find the disconnect that exists
between the rest of the world and here mind boggling. Yeah, there are
a few internet cafes on the island and I am sure the very reclusive
rich living in their posh fortress estates have their own
vampire-like access to the internet to watch the ever important
business reports and stock market fluctuations. But for the vast
majority of the locals and expats like me Spanish Wells might as well
be on a different planet circling a far, distant star. As most people
could guess about us expatriates though, is that you don't move to a
place like Spanish Wells to stay the proverbial mover and shaker in
the modern world.
Some like me live here because we tried
to take on the world and were instead mauled to a bloody pulp and
left for dead. This assault was especially bad for me since the
person who perpetrated it was none other than my lovely ex-wife. Once
the dust had settled on my betrayal I literally had nothing left to
do but bandage my emotional and financial wounds and limp off like
some abused dog. When I arrived here I welcomed the solitude and
seemingly light years distance between me and the rest of
civilization. I figured that even though the world had utterly beaten
Jason Wright and sent me into exile the best revenge was live well in
paradise. Funny thing though, from time to time the outside world
still finds a way to remind me this splendid isolation is just an
illusion.
That little statement was proved in
spades yesterday when the Bahamian Postal Service delivered the
latest information care package from my sister, Barbara, living in
Charleston, South Carolina. It is a medium-sized box filled with
several weeks of newspapers and magazines plus a few home-made DVD's
of American television. For the first couple of years I wrote Barbara
back telling her I didn't want the stuff but like any kid sister
upset that I did not make an effort to return home for the holidays
she continued with me just throwing the unopened boxes into the small
closet here in my beach-side cottage. I wanted nothing to do with the
world and I went as far as limiting myself to just listening to the
BBC international radio broadcasts for a few minutes a week making a
conscious effort to turning it off whenever some news report about
the United States started.
However, curiosity often has a more
corrosive effect that either time or loneliness for wearing away the
rock of stubborn certainty. It was about the third year of my exile
when on a whim I opened the latest box and began catching up on what
was going on in the United States. I binged for two straight days on
the collection of already out of date newspapers and magazines. After
everything was read though I felt dirty and a little hypocritical.
The creepy, dirty feeling came from
seeing how American culture could always find new ways to delve ever
deeper into the self-righteous glorification and banal behavior,
especially among the rich and powerful. The cloud of hypocrisy that
formed over my head came from the knowledge that at one time I was
well on my way to becoming part of that group and it was only my
wife's betrayal which prevented that from happening. Such powerful
and deep self introspection was too disturbing for me and I soon
developed the habit of spending the following night in one of the
island's bars and getting stone cold drunk to cleanse my soul. All
things considered, the routine of catching up with the latest
American cultural and political antics was an unhealthy and
ultimately self-destructive habit but it was the latest box from my
sister that upset that happy applecart.
The mail had come late the previous day
and I didn't open the box until the following morning. So with the
sun rising over the peaceful ocean I sat down at the small table on
my porch with my first cup of coffee and with a small knife sliced
the packing tape sealing the box. Right off the bat I am staring down
at the cover of a Time magazine graced with the picture of my
beautiful ex-wife, Anna, and her husband, my former best friend, and
attorney, Mike Rayburn.
***
Truthfully it's hard to pick an actual
point in time when this tragic, for me, comedy began. Anna, Mike, and
I met during college but our mutual friendships were slow to begin.
We were all majoring in different fields but shared a few classes
together, hung out at the same bars and parties, and liked a spot on
campus under an old weeping willow tree to study and relax.
It took about three months worth of
study dates under that tree before Anna and I started approaching
anything close to becoming a couple. Mike, and Sara, the woman who
became his first wife, soon joined our little group. Those college
years went by fast with Anna earning her degree in business and me in
electrical engineering. Moving into that first ting apartment with
her and starting our lives together was both the happiest and
scariest time in my life. Marriage followed about a year later but in
hindsight it seems now it was more a formality than any real
conscious declaration of a lifelong commitment. Mike and Sara moved
off to attend law school leaving us behind but as fate would have it
our lives would soon converge again.
What changed our lives forever was my
boss assigning me the project of writing some minor software code for
a new line of industrial relay controllers. It only took a couple of
days to realize I had a knack for programming. A week later I am
coming up with a whole host of computer programs for industrial uses.
After some careful planning with Anna a couple of years later she and
I have a software business going to the point I decided to call in my
best friend Mike to represent us. Not only had Mike gotten his law
degree but had branched off to become a first-rate investment banker.
I can still remember the look of utter
astonishment on Mikes face as he sat on the old and ugly couch in
that tiny apartment looking over the quarterly earnings and the list
of small and medium-sized business that had bought my software.
“Dammit Jason!” he exclaimed, “these numbers can't be real. On
paper Anna and you are worth a couple of million right now. Why are
you still living in this small dump?”
I remember Anna and I just looking at
each other and shrugging. I certainly hadn't thought about anything
other than work and being with her. I then looked around and realized
that the apartment was so small I could sit on the couch and easily
carry on a conversation with someone sitting on the bed or the
toilet. Anna and I almost immediately jumped to four-thousand square
foot house along with going on a general spending spree that never
really stopped. Life seemed perfect, Anna ran the company, Mike plied
his legal skills as well as talked with investors, and I was writing
some seriously cutting edge code and had begun recruiting a team of
programmers to expand the business.
***
The magazine cover had them sitting on
the steps of the new company headquarters outside San Francisco. The
building looked like an ugly cross between something from Star Trek
and the United States Capitol Building. Just to show how devoted Anna
was to Mike her head lovely rested on his strong shoulders. However,
it appears there was some sort of trouble brewing in their software
paradise because the building had been photo shopped to look like it
was on fire while the caption underneath the loving couple asked if
they might have accidentally killed the billion dollar Golden Goose.
I have to admit it made my day to read
how a series of bad decisions and failed risky ventures by them had
placed the company in financial jeopardy with rumors flying that some
major Wall Street vultures were greedily eying the wounded animal,
eager to kill it off and pick its bones clean. Since Time magazine
had long since realized that the average attention span of most
Americans was a great deal shorter that a few decades ago the article
offered few details about their mismanagement but to me something
just didn't sound right. I had to log onto the internet and and surf
several financial web pages to learn the numbers. When I was done I
knew full well Mike and Anna were trying to scam the shareholders
because they had done me the same way.
***
Once the company I had named
“Swiftrider Software” was formally organized with Anna as Chief
Executive Officer and Mike playing full time Chief Financial Officer,
I became the Chief Operations Officer overseeing the creation of new
software and the maintenance of our existing products. That was all
well and good, and easily ran through a series of intelligent
underlings I had hired but my true passion lay with a department
doing experimental research into artificial intelligence. It was a
cozy situation and stayed this way until a particular Tuesday four
years later when both of them unexpectedly came into my office for a
private conversation.
“Listen Jason,” Mike said in a
formal tone, “the numbers in your experimental department don't add
up, truthfully it looks like you and your team were literally
flushing money down the toilet. Were going for an initial public
offering next year but with this amount of money essentially missing
most investors will run away from us as fast as they can.”
“Honey,” Anna said, “both Mike
and I have talked about this, maybe, for the sake of the company, you
should take a leave of absence at least until after the IPO. Then you
can come back and work on The AI stuff again.”
At that time I did not catch any whiff
of the big fat dead rat the two were trying to thrust upon me. I
would have trusted both with my life at that moment and truth be told
I was feeling a little burned out. The AI stuff was indeed not
producing any useful fruit and since by any reasonable definition I
was flirting with the status of being ultra rich I decided to spend a
year traveling to places I had always wanted to go. I even thought
that the time away might allow me some insight on producing a true AI
operating system.
Six months later while hiking the South
Island of New Zealand I log onto the internet only to read a banner
headline proclaiming that I was under investigation for squandering
company funds. And I was shocked to read that my lovely bride and my
newly divorced best friend had thrown me under a large, fast moving
bus. I returned home immediately to defend myself and in doing so
quickly learned that the two had been having an affair for some time
and were madly in love with each other.
Standing in Anna's office she made an
obviously fake gesture of concern forcing me to sit down on her couch
and then grabbing my hands. “Listen Jason, after some
investigations we discovered your pet project is in the red for close
to fifty-million dollars. Now I don't know what you did with the
money but Mike and I have covered it up with certain friends in the
federal government willing to let this all disappear as long as you
do the same.”
“What the hell are you talking about
Anna? We never played with that kind of funds, it's insane.” She
then produced a printout showing that in fact the AI department did
have that kind of budget authorized by me. I was dumbfounded to say
the least and only then beginning to understand what it all meant.
“I see this report was produced by
Sara before she divorced Mike and left the company. I'd very much
like to talk with her and that bastard.” I could tell, from the
look on her face, Anna was playing a game of chess with me.
“The divorce was difficult for Sara
and she has moved out of the country.” Anna said in her totally
business tone of voice. “You'd have to speak with her attorney to
arrange something and from what I'm told she has standing orders to
be left alone. More to the point Jason, the feds will tear you apart
if you don't leave the company. Do you want to go to jail.?”
I had been the worst fool in human
history when it came to Anna and Mike but I was not stupid. I agreed
to go quietly and they generously put fifteen-million in a bank for
me to have a comfortable exile. The last time I saw Anna was the day
we signed our divorce papers.
“I'm sorry things ended up this way
Jason.” She said after asking for one last private conversation in
the attorney's conference room. “I really did love you but we
drifted apart. I really wish you would say something to Mike before
you go, he'd like to say goodbye.”
“If I ever see that bastard again
he'll be dead a few minutes later.” I responded with Anna knowing I
meant every word to the deepest part of my soul. She made a sad face
and incredibly, gave me a hug.
“This will pass,” she said, “in
fact I predict that one day you will bring me flowers again.” After
that we parted with me unable to figure out if she actually believed
her last statement or was just mouthing words she had rehearsed.
***
I skipped the usual bar crawl that
night and laid in the hammock outside my cottage go over my past and
what I had read about the current state of the company I had created.
I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea that Mike and Anna were
essentially pulling another scam, even worse for what reason? As a
couple they were worth half a billion dollars. I knew both loved the
idea of being rich, I had tasted the same delusional waters, but how
many damn yachts, mansions, private jets, and land could a person
have a desire to own. What did it take for such people to ever be
satisfied.
It was a sickness and from my vantage
point it looked like everyone in a position of power in the United
States suffered from some insidious strain of it. Technically it was
a nifty and desirable disease to endure but it sucked for the vast
majority of people who just wanted a decent life and to see their
kids grow up without want. They were the ones who paid the ultimate
cost to support such a small privileged group. That night I slept
under the stars disgusted with them and myself. The next morning
though I knew what had to be done.
Much had changed since I left
Swiftrider Software but after looking over their websites I found out
they still used in house software to run the day to day operations.
More to the point, after some careful snooping I happily discovered
my secret backdoor access into the company mainframe was still there.
Back at the start of my programming days I had included it as way to
do quick fixes. As the lines of codes in later software grew almost
exponentially it became lost in the background. It was there that I
had to stop, o delve any deeper would probably alert Swiftrider's
network security but I had a plan to get around that.
The American expat community is a
multifaceted bunch with many different reasons for living outside the
land of the free and the home of the brave. Like Jimmy Buffett likes
to sing, some are running from lovers, some are in the drug trade,
and some are pure criminals hiding from an Uncle Sam whose arms seem
to grow longer everyday. One of these guys, who went by the alias
Lewis Carter, was a first-rate computer hacker living off a huge
chunk of change he stole from an American political action committee.
It was nearly the perfect crime because like the mafia, American
PAC's are semi-secret organizations that try to hide their members,
funds, and actions from the general public.
The one huge advantage American PAC's
have over the mafia though is that they are legal and protected
institutions and don't have to worry about the law coming after them.
On the other hand if, like my friend, you can hack into their bank
accounts and steal their money they generally don't openly squeal to
the police because it's bad publicity to let the unwashed and happily
numb masses get any idea how much they truly control the American
political system.
To keep any possible private
investigators or bounty hunters confused Lewis moved around a lot but
he and I kept in contact. His latest haunt was a house deep in the El
Salvador rain forest and after some clandestine communications he
liked my idea of pulling a job on the American corporate
establishment, from there everything accelerated to warp speed.
With my help Lewis hacked into the
Swiftrider mainframe and went straight to the highly-encrypted
financial records. Sure enough, Mike had two sets of financial
records, one faked to make the company look weak and the real one
showing everything was fine. After further cracking the email server
Lewis and I found confirmation that Mike and Anna along with a few
others planned on wrecking the company, sell off the pieces, then
declare bankruptcy with the shareholders taking a bath.
There was a problem though, Lewis and I
had obtained both the faked and real financial records and the
smoking gun emails illegally but I had long since thought a way
around that. The one way to destroy a monster is to involve another,
even meaner monster. In other words I employed a high-powered New
York law firm to anonymously give the hacked records to several of
the big Swiftrider shareholders. Once the figurative blood had hit
the waters of the financial markets the feeding frenzy began before
the end of the day. And as I thought if the big Master of the
Universe investors get any sort of hint their money might be
threatened their lackeys in the federal government act fast.
Just a month later Mike and Anna were
arrested, and since they had tried to play the big Wall Street power
brokers they got none of the special consideration white collar
criminals normally received. If revenge is a dish best served cold it
was near absolute zero in the court room as I watched Mike sentenced
to forty-five years in prison for fraud and several other crimes. See
once the two love birds were busted they both began singing to the
feds about the other. I loved the look of utter despair on Mike's
face once his lawyer informed him that he was going to a real federal
prison filled to the brim with big and tough street wise guys that
loved to develop long and lasting relationships with white collar
types. I even made sure Mike saw me as he was lead out of the court
room to begin his sentence.
Because she had sung like a
Nightingale, Anna received a somewhat lighter sentence of only thirty
years in a medium security prison. A year after she started her time I flew back to the States to go visit her. “You look
marvelous in prison orange.” I said to Anna as she sat on the other
side of a large table from me.
“I suppose you had something to do
with Mike and me going to jail?” Was all she could say in response.
I had played the fool too many times
for her so I didn't take the bait. “Nope Sweeetie,” I said, “ I
have no idea what you are talking about. I was down in the tropics
living the nice and easy life when this all exploded.”
She just sat there in hateful silence.
Sitting across from a clearly destroyed person I suddenly didn't have
any taste for revenge and decided to cut to the chase. “You once
predicted I would bring you a flowers and here they are.” With that
I dropped the bunch of roses on the table and walked out without
looking back.