Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Business Theater of the Absurd


Since I am already working with a severe mental deficit at the best of times, the cumulative effects of working third shift makes watching the morning news shows with the hosts explaining the theater of the absurd that passes as normal human affairs an added threat to the weak underpinning of my sanity. Nevertheless, the last hour of my shift will have me in front of some television in the company of my bagel and cream cheese trying to make sense of the verbal offal put forth by the talking heads. For me the morning news shows on the business networks are the worst with high paid heralds of free-market global capitalism almost daily making some outrageous remark that is either condescending to us working folks or showing blatant ignorance about matters outside their area of knowledge.
As a kid growing up in the South I got use to traveling preachers working the revival circuit during humid summer evenings standing in front of us sweating sinners with a fanatical gleam in his eye declaring someone a “Good Christian” and praising God that such people walk the earth. Such declarations by strange men faded into background static during my teenage years as summer revivals became less a chance to get on the right side of Jesus and more an opportunity to get on top of Savannah out behind the bushes. However, I must admit to be taken back a few months ago when I saw the same fanatical gleam in the eyes of one of the business journalist babes on a discussion panel declaring someone a “Good Capitalist.” I have known for a long time that the high and mighty business and investor class have long since sold their souls to the god of Profit but I was surprised to see such a similar religious zeal on someone whose job it is to inform and investigate instead take on the mantle of an acolyte, or better yet syncopate.
I would be terribly remiss if I did not bring up the words of the brunette hottie who is nearly drop dead gorgeous in her own right without having to resort to the silicone implants and countless bottles of peroxide like her Fox Business Channel cohorts. This fine example of a business journalist once declared that China was doing us a favor by selling us toys with lead paint and food with poisons. That earned her my lifetime award for heartless corporate shrill babe. I just hope when she gets around to having a few hatchlings of her own so she can really show her appreciation to China by giving them such toys and food.
The latest winner for me though was yesterday morning when one of brunette hottie’s cohorts was whining about all the money the airlines were losing in Europe being ground by the volcanic ash hanging over the continent. The dude openly wondered why they had not sent planes up in the air to see if there was any way over, under or around the ash produced by the volcano in Iceland. Now understand I have nothing against capitalism except when all common sense is abandoned. This guy’s worry was not over the thousands of people stranded in airports struggling to find other means to get home but over the hundreds of millions and possibly billions these airlines will lose with their planes staying on the ground.
Now dude should have been able to guess that all sorts of meteorologists and aviation experts were constantly pouring over satellite data concerning the ash and when it might clear out. A report I heard from a completely different source hours later did say a few planes were being sent up to check whether flights could start again; so dude had no need to get his knickers in bind because the experts knew what they were doing. I have to admit though to thinking the fun thing to do would be to throw whiner dude forcibly onto one of those planes checking out the ash levels in the atmosphere and then see how much he worried about the airlines losing money.
I'm sorry, I've just seen too many sons of bitches lately and this song came to mind:


MRMacrum said...

For me it is the evening bozos who get my panties in a bunch. Morning news heroes don't even register until after lunch.

I will admit I was surprised the first time I listened to the pro-business rhetoric Fox and others pass off as factual information. Now I don't even pay attention. I figure as soon as they open their mouths they are either lying or they are pushing product or services of some kind.

Nice post BTW.

sunshine said...

Come on Beach!
These fuckers have to fill the air time SOMEHOW!
"Blah bi di blah blah.. listen to me.. maybe if I keep talking, eventually SOMETHING I say will make sense."

I hope Erin chokes on a lead based paint can....


MadMike said...

I'm with MRMacrum and Sunshine!! Good post man!

Four Dinners said...

I listened to the BBC News the other day and didn't actually realise it was the news until halfway through.

Crackin' post old bean!

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

I love it when you editorialize about the hotness of cable news anchors. Truth be known, I do a lot of that type of thing myself. Like just last night, for instance. On John King's new CNN show, he had Jessica Yellin and Chrystia Freeland both on. And, yes, they were sitting right next to each other. I won't be telling you exactly what I was yelling toward the set, but, yeah, I think that you could probably figure it out.

Rhiannon said...

Have you seen or read the top right side of my blog bar? I did not put things in such a lyrical fashion or satire as you do, but I think we were both saying pretty much the same things..just in different examples.

I am so sick and tired of the "talking heads" and how much money they are paid also. What kind of professionals are they? Do they have degrees? What kind?

I'm just ready to hear the News "reported", not "made" by falsehoods and heresay going on and on about "much ado about nothing" analyzing everything to death and such crap..excuse my french, but I very much agree with everything you said in your post.

And I know what you mean BB about those "hot summer days and nights of preaching under the tent"...been there done that and hated it, but was forced to go as a child......made me sick to my stomache..especially when they would start blubbering and talking in "tongues"...yeah right..ugh..

By the way I have been meaning to tell you that is a nice photo of you and your little one there..

Oh by the way it's Earth day tomorrow...well your time it's Earth day already...I've posted a blog about Earth day..drop by if you get a chance.


Beach Bum said...

MRMacrum: You know except for one or two people on Fox News they are dead to me. But in a very stupid way I half expected the CNBC crowd to be somewhat objective. But in reality they are just the same as Fox.

Sunshine: Personally Erin needs to be fed some of the food she said we need to apperciate from our Chinese friends.

Madmike: Thanks.

Four Dinners: Dude, please don't say that, I depend on BBC America for real news.

Will: LOL!!!! Probably the same thing I yell at Tamara Hall and that prude Contessa Brewer.

Rhia: Those tent revivals at least at plenty of good food. I could go to one of those things and eat my own weight and still not have anyone saying about it.

Which is a Southern thing for people who don't know, it was once considered rude to "pig out" at a real social function like weddings, birthday parties, and even election day cookouts.

In fact for a long time the best parties in the South were revivals and funerals.

lime said...

good reason for me to either sleep in or put on the cartoon channel when i get up. gads. what skewed values.

Randal Graves said...

Bah, she's no Robin Meade.

But given your locale, and your stated experience with greasy preachers and snake oil salesmen, you're able to see through the bullshit, thus, have you thought about turning your teevee viewing into a drinking game?

goatman said...

I keep remembering the pilot of the 747 whose plane lost all 4 engines over Indonesia after flying through some volcanic detritus awhile back. He was very calm while describing the situation to the media; but I wouldn't have liked to have been the one to clean up those cockpit seats after they regained engine power and were able to land safely.
Me, I would take a boat . . .

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

Thanks for the kind words over at Vig's, double b. I actually DO try and be fair (this, though some of the people think that I slime Obama while others think that I'm a member of his police force). And, yes, I actually DID vote for Obama (partly because the other guy was largely coming across as a madman). Hey, maybe it's my cynicism that's starting to turn people off.

JUDGE TRUTH 101 said...

No doubt Will was yelling for the two ladies to sit like ladies and wear clothes that didn't make them look like loose floozies. As I was. My wife was watching with me.

Suzan said...

Come on, BB.

I don't notice that have one.

Nicely done, friend.


outside their area of knowledge.

Beach Bum said...

Lime: That’s why I watch a lot of BBC America News and listen to NPR. After that, I watch History Channel.

Randal: Drinking game? Not at work but the home edition sound fun.

Goatman: I have come to hate flying just out of how uncomfortable it is, adding volcano ash would have me signing on some merchant ship to cross the ocean.

Will: You can't please everyone but many on both the left and the right have lost their minds. Now I will admit it’s the right wing people threatening civil war and carrying weapons to political rallies.

Judge: That is why I do most of my writing in a different room.

Suzan: What did Lenin say about capitalists selling them the rope they would hang from? It only changed a little. Now will buy the rope from China, at a great discount price, and commit suicide.

Jack Jodell said...

Erin Burnett may be drop-dead gorgous, but she's also dumber than hell to make such ignorant and shortsighted pronouncements. If she was any dumber, she'd stop breathing.