Friday, November 27, 2009

Yeah, its my birthday and all I got was a stupid hat

...and maybe something more tonight.

For several years now I have relegated my own birthdays to a back burner of sorts not really wanting to think about it less for reasons of mortality than just the idea I don't want to deal with the hassle. Previous birthdays during this present period had me laying very low avoiding the phone not wanting to try and make conversation with the usual manner of honest well wishers who would call and ask strange questions like what great gifts I had received and what new resolutions or epiphanies that might have suddenly appeared in my head.

Well for one, while I greatly appreciate them for their well meaning thoughts they represents, my collection of cheap Wal-Mart brand colognes is so enormous now I've had to apply for a permit to store hazardous materials here at the house. Not to sound like an ingrate but simply put I have no life-beyond being a chauffeur and loan office for my kids- and because of that I have next to no reason to wear a fragrance that at best smells like a newly scrubbed clean operating room, and believe me I know!

But such is the life of a middle-aged dad whose greatest desire, beyond a bikini clad supermodel walking into my life convinced I'm her long lost love, is spending time on a windswept beach and enjoy watching bikini clad ladies cavort in the sand. Hell, right now I'd just be satisfied to be on a beach with such visions being generated by my own gray, Swiss cheese-like, material that occupies the space between my ears. Thankfully I have a terrific family who goes above and beyond the call of duty to chase such thoughts away by having me running countless missions picking up and dropping off friends, doing insidious serf-like yard work, and assorted home repairs.

On the subject of being asked about birthday resolutions and epiphanies I have wondered if I was somehow delinquent for not pursuing some form of insight that might guide me better in my life. Usually when I respond that no, that no revelation or vision had come my way as I ate my birthday cake I get the this look of resignation as if such a thing was probably a long shot to begin with as far as I was concerned. Truthfully, those who read my prattle already know I ponder the meaning of life and belly button lent on a regular basis. Because of that I have long since come to the conclusion that I must be insane cause the world to me is clearly crazy and I know I can't be the only one sane.

For those reasons birthdays for me have become subdued affairs were quiet contemplation has taken the place of parties and elaborate celebrations. I don't need them and honestly such ostentatious affairs are better left for my kids. Though this morning when asked by my wife if I wanted at least one special thing for myself I answered sex and grilled cheese sandwiches to which after a few minutes she responded "maybe". So I may be having a party after all, I just better not get the melted butter on the bed sheets.


sunshine said...

I left some b-day wishes for you on the previous post last night but I will use this empty box to once again say...
"Happy Birthday Beach"!

Sex and grilled cheese sandwiches sounds wonderful! What's with this "maybe" from Mrs. Beach?? I'd be happy to have a husband still interested in me!

Hope ALL your dreams come true tonight.


Suzan said...

Hope you are enjoying your peaceful day, BB, with very little chauffering and loan officering demanded.

And that there's some nice "beaching" going on (and on and on and on . . . .).

Mine was Monday. I was born the day before T'giving. You?



I have no life - beyond being a chauffeur and loan office for my kids

Stimpson said...

Happy birthday!

Maybe someone should buy you a bottle of Drakkar Noir or Obsession. I imagine your wife would appreciate the thought.

Joan Perry; Sidewalk Curator said...

I've heard of Steak & BJ day but this could be a new birthday trend ;). Good luck! Happy birthday.

Gwendolyn H. Barry said...

Happy Happy Happy Bday dude! I have to thank Stimpson for givin' me the heads' up... not looking at the dashboard in time to see the post... but I did remember you. You and Jacky J / served ya a blog drink. Seems there be lots of Sagg's in this crowd! (me too!)
Happy Birthday Beach. Good health & a year of adventure you enjoy!

Oso said...

Happy Birthday Beach,
Once I had kids my birthdays hardly seemed to matter too,except for digging the card or whatever the girls made me when they were little. As they got older I hated them having to spend $ on me.
Hope things worked out at the end last night. At least you have a cool hat so you could wear it to the mall and be seen as a cool older guy by the teenage girls.

sunshine said...

Oh yeah. Love the hat by the way. ;)
Hope you're getting "biz-eeee!!! ;P

PENolan said...

Many happy returns

Marja said...

Belated Happy Birthday BB I am chuckling again behind my computer seeing your picture (looks smart) and reading your birthday thoughts. I'll take one on you tonight.

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

I've heard that Alex Witt does birthdays. FYI....Of course, so, too, I must confess that I hear a lot of other things (voices in my head, etc.).

SJ said...

Happy Birthday BB.

Many you enjoy many, many more.

MRMacrum said...

A belated best wishes.

Jack Jodell said...

Hey Beach,
I hope you had the great day you so richly deserved, and I had no idea we had the same birthday! I have no idea how I've neglected to add you to my blogroll for so ling but I'm going to put you there right now. All the best to you, my clear-thinking progressive Carolina beach-lover!

MadMike said...

LOL Beach!! Happy birthday.

Pammy said...

Dang, BB...I'm not sure whether to say "Happy Birthday" or "You have my sympathy". I guess I'll go with...uh..."I hope you got what you wished for!"

Seriously...and sincerely...Happy Birthday!

Randal Graves said...

Let me make a few phone calls, and I'll see what I can do about the bikini-clad supermodel. I can't guarantee that she'll speak English, but as long as she can make a killer grilled cheese, who cares, right?

Beach Bum said...

Thank you everyone! Alas such days as yesterday are as expected rare. I wish I could say I got everything I wanted but I can say the grilled cheese sandwiches were great.

goatman said...

Sounds like a plan -- the duo of events I mean (sandwich and sandwich). Happy big one; I noticed you not mentioning the years but that is your prerogative on this anniversary.
My birthday is Halloween and I use that fact to reserve the right NOT to dress up as a fool and play the part. I allow others to indulge as I watch and wonder . . . and wander.

Rhiannon said...

Well Happy Birthday dear Sagittarius. I hope that your "preconceived" dreams "do" come true. If not here's a suggestion. Go on youtube, type in the movie "10" with Bo Derek and I'm sure they will have a video in there somewhere of Bo running down the beach to "Beach Bum" bikini clad and headed your way!

As to the grilled cheese sandwich. Now your really making me hungry!



Rhiannon said...

P.S. I've learned a lot about "who's normal" these days in the last few years. Even in therapy it was suggested to me that the people who "think" they are "normal" usually are not!...and the people that think they "aren't" are! So your thinking your insane and "they are sane" probably is not true. Just the opposite is how I look at it. Could go on forever about "sane versus insane" or "normal versus not normal".

We live in an insane and crazy world. It's not you my friend. Something to ponder about.

Hang in there.

Cormac Brown said...

Happy Birthday and what do you want? Butter is high cholesterol anyway.

Hill said...

Happy B-day, BB!


And grilled sandwiches aren't so bad, huh?


lime said...

sorry i am late to the party. i could have at least brought grilled cheese. you want a tomato in it or not?

lime said...

oh and what's that enchanting fragrance you're wearing?

a new cologne called sterile feild.