Sunday, February 1, 2009

Some thoughts on marriage

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious: both are disappointed.
Oscar Wilde

"Three rings of marriage: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."
author unknown

By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.
-- Dave Barry
In my experience I have seen some marriages that were a true union between a man and a women. But the vast majority are actually desperate coalitions between two people trying to escape loneliness that both would be far better served for companionship if they just bought a dog.


joan said...

It ain't easy, is it?

AdB said...

Oh Beach! You have just condemned marriage as an institution as a union. Heheheh!

AdB said...

Allow me to contribute this thought:

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. - Friedrich Nietzsche

lime said...

i'm allergic to dogs. a lizard maybe?

Vigilante said...

Beach, marriage is a lot like fishing: You gotta know which ones to keep and which ones to throw back. One of the very few things in my life I got right was making this choice right. And J.I.T.!

After that, the dog is also a great plus! Frosting on the cake!

Beach Bum said...

Explanation: Spent the weekend on the coast with my daughter Miss Wiggles and had a great time seeing my family. Got home late Sunday evening and found my wife in a very bad mood over several issues relating to the abruptness of my decision to head to the coast one weekend early. Had I waited to the following weekend my trip would have been aborted due to Miss Wiggles needing to attend her Girl Scout meeting. Old wounds with my wife were opened and things were said by both that while needing to be said should have been done under different conditions.

Joan: No, and the ultimate conclusion of this misadventure will have me back on the coast.

AdB: I one wrote that when two people feel the urge to get married both should go lay down until the the feeling passes.

Lime: That would be cool but in my situation I already have a lizard. Yes, I'm referring to who you think I am.

Vigil: While in most cases it would be better for a married couple to breakup once the situation becomes untenable. But in my case certain factors will have me staying until Wiggles is in high school. Following that old radical Socrates I should be a serious damn philosopher by then.

Utah Savage said...

Very funny. Quotes I'd have done well to read prior to my first of three fatally flawed marriages.

Randal Graves said...

I'm more of a cat person, but other than that one small change, I'm certainly on board with these fine statements on in the institutionalizing quality of that old institution.

Beach Bum said...

Utah and Randal: I often feel the whole approach to marriage needs to be changed. Like before any vows are said both people (man/woman, man/man, or woman/woman) involved should be tied together by the wrist and dropped on a deserted island and told to live and work together for a week. Such a close proximity I believe would quickly draw out the flaws that the rose colored glasses of love tend to miss. The one problem is that after a few days the couple would probably flee from the sight of each other very quickly as soon as they were released.

Stella said...

Good thoughts to all, and a great post BB. Most people think the initial attraction and all the symptoms that accompany the first flush of love are what marriage is about.

To me, it's the quiet togetherness of being with someone a long time, knowing them better than anyone else, would be her/his best friend if you two weren't married, and surviving all the crap life deals you. (Not to mention the arguments that inevitably arise in close quarters.)

Marriage is being able to weather all the little details and catastrophes that occur in life, and still be grateful to share the other person's company every day.

Beach, you're right about the desert island: those rose-colored glasses can be a real dangerous accessory. Being able to deal with old wounds and get past them is the hardest trick of all.

Like Vig, somehow making the right choice is what I feel is one of my greatest accomplishments.

Thanks so much for your insight,

MadMike said...

LOL LOL LOL! I have dogs, lots of them. I am happy as a clam:-)

Malicious Intent said...

Be careful of whom you choose to marry for they will bring you 90% of your happiness or 90% of your misery.

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up.

And my favorite:
Pain in inevitable, Misery is Optional.

Vigilante said...

I don't want to spoil the warm and cuddly mood in here. But it comes back to me - those Adult computer classes I was teaching (moonlighting) in the 80's. The most popular word processing assignment among the women was one featuring announcements for divorce celebrations (a take off from wedding announcements). The women really took to that assignment like my dog takes to a barbecued knee bone. When the assignments were completed, all of them were embellished and more colorful than the originals. Every course I taught, I was prepared to lose control of the class the night I presented that assignment.

Beach Bum said...

Stella: There a saying that while I ignored for years now chills me to the bone. It goes something like: "A woman expects to change and manage her husband and a man expects his wife never to change. Both are wrong.

MadMike: On my recent visit to Pawleys Island last weekend I met a old fellow who I talked with for several minutes. He was divorced, living very simply near the coast with his dog and was very happy. All together a rather hopeful situation for me.

Malicious Intent:
Whenever you're right shut up.
I find myself at times taking great satisfaction in silence.

Vigil: I follow some simple rules. One is that all men are pigs. I have a daughter and even now teach her that because if I'm not a pig I am a knuckle dragging neanderthal and for that reason I don't trust all the young guys that in a few short years will be knocking on the door to see my daughter. Two, While I admit men are pigs women are mean.

Vigilante said...

Beach, I never had a daughter because of:
(A)Your 'simple rule' posted above and,
(B) It would have been architecturally expensive - I would have had to add another bedroom.

Stella said...

Vig, did you ever think about assigning "Write an obituary for your ex-husband" in those adult computer classes?

Beach, I got the same lecture from my grandfather that "men are pigs." He had another saying, but I would prefer to refrain from offending anyone.

I also found out that women can be mean. What surprised me is when I found out that men can be mean and women can be pigs.

I learned long ago never to try and "change" the person I married, probably because I'm so stubborn, no one can change me.

I like the quotes Malicious Intent posted. Isn't the 90% quote from Oscar Wilde? Benjamin Franklin had a good one: Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, but half-shut afterwards.

Beach Bum said...

Vigil: I have found that having a daughter is expensive no matter what, but I'm enjoying it.

Stella: I feel better that I know someone actually said the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Oh Beach!... good...
thanks for sharing...

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