Christmas Sucks!

My greatest Christmas wish is for a fallout shelter that I can shut myself in and not come out of until after New Year's Day. The simplest way to explain my total and unabashed embrace of Scrooge-ism is that while some still find joy in the celebration of religious holidays or reconnecting with family and friends I find this season to be awash in hyper-commercialism and corporate induced anxiety.

A much to recent visit to the true local place of worship, the mall, resulted in the observation of various individuals barely able to cope with factors such as child expectations and financial realities. Little Johnny, standing defiantly in the electronics department clutching a Playstation 3, just didn't have a clue why mommy's credit card was a molten puddle in her pocketbook. While such events have been common for decades I have personally reached the age that I increasingly want to disconnect totally from the "holiday season". Instead of sugar plums dancing in my head I have visions of a peaceful quiet place cut off from this joyous time.

A better and less claustrophobic Christmas wish would be a sailboat that I could cruise around the Caribbean in until such time people are talking about Valentine's Day. Spending Christmas Day on some secluded beach away from the greater mass of civilization could, in theory at least, spark a small rebirth of holiday spirit. Especially if there is a nice jerk chicken stand nearby with cold beer. If anyone out there can help a suffering Beach Bum please contact me. I swear these damn Christmas carols and television specials, overdone holiday decorations, mall zombies, spoiled brats, in-laws, and holiday traffic are going to send me into a coma. Wasn't the Recession suppose to put a damper on all this shit?