Man mistakes straw bale for stricken woman, gives it CPR

I wish I could make something like this up. But this is South Carolina and I guess it should be expected.

I've been to some really wild parties in my life were I got so wasted that I ended up in some rather curious places unable to remember how I got there. One time I woke up underneath a small bridge in Colorado Springs miles away from the apartment of my girlfriend which was the last memory I was certain of as I rubbed my imploding head listening to the cars pass above me. At least I was in the company of several friends from my army unit who were spread out around me, each of them trying to restart a relationship with reality themselves and pondering our strange surroundings. The basic questions about how we got there were never answered and maybe given the laughter we received from our girlfriends and others back at the apartment as we stumbled inside from the cold later that morning we all decided that some things were better left unanswered.

My several misadventures are nothing compared to this party animal:

A Hilton Head Island man confused bales of pine straw with a dead woman, and tried to resuscitate them early Tuesday morning, according to a sheriff's report.

The 39-year-old called deputies to the parking lot of Hilton Head Cabanas, 32 South Forest Beach Drive, at 1:49 a.m., saying he had just tried to perform CPR on a dead woman, according to the sheriff's report.

They arrived to find him talking to a large bale of pine straw.

When asked where the woman was, he pointed to the straw, the report stated.

The man told deputies five people knocked on his door and wanted to party. A woman asked him to come outside, and told him there was a dead woman laying in the parking lot, the report stated.

Deputies think the man had been drinking. The report says he thought Tuesday was Halloween and he had two empty bottles of bourbon inside his home.