It didn't take Aunt Sally long to figure out a procedure that would minimize the emotional and physiological trauma of meeting Billy's new love interest. Once Aunt Sally knew about Billy's new girlfriend she would ask him for the number of tattoos on the girl's body and if she had served any significant jail time and then rush down to the nearest liquor store and buy an amount of wine proportional to those numbers. If this girl had children, Aunt Sally would forget the wine and go straight to bourbon, usually a pint for each kid with an upper limit of a gallon if the she had over four.
My mama, in an attempt to give her as much support as possible, had an agreement with the owner of the liquor store to call her if Aunt Sally started making what seemed to him too many visits. With Billy's taste in women being consistent, the poor guy had long since been forced to add mama to his speed dial.
Aunt Sally and my mama being very close and with no other siblings for Billy or me, had since elementary school drafted me into taking care of my cousin. For both of them I did my best and since Billy was easy to get along with normally, it wasn't hard as long as he didn't do anything out the ordinary. Billy's dad, Uncle Henry, was especially thankful for me looking after his son. Uncle Henry was a true Christian in every sense of the word and over the years had spent many a night on bended knees praying for his son. I love my Uncle Henry but I always felt uncomfortable with the fact that he was so sure that his son was destined for greater things because Jesus came to him in a dream one night saying so. I figured the All Mighty had far better judgment than to involve my cousin in much of anything beyond making a phone call to order a pizza, so I let the whole subject slide when I was around the man.