Thursday, April 18, 2013

Still Here...Sort Of

Try as I might to get back to a more regular schedule of writing my usual crappy short stories and semi-psychotic rants the same problems just keep getting in the way. First and foremost is the fact that I have lost control of my laptop. Now that in itself should not be any type of problem since my family owns more than one computer, but like everything else in life the devil is in the details.

Right after we bought the current family computer in 2010, we noticed a curious little glitch that up until this last February was no big issue. It is a very fast Hewlett Packard desktop with an awesome high-definition screen that at first exceeded everyone’s expectation, except for the fact that it would sometimes automatically shut itself off resulting in the total loss of all unsaved data. At first, it would only do this about once or twice a month, but around February, it began doing it between forty-five minutes to an hour after being turned on. This has essentially made it a glorified boat anchor.

I took the sorry piece of overpriced shi… I mean computer to a local repair shop and was told the motherboard needs replacing to the tune of over five-hundred dollars. The two stereotypical nerdy-looking technicians actually seemed surprised when I started laughing at them for suggesting I would even think about spending half a grand when the same amount could buy a completely new computer. Of course, my wife laughed at me even harder when I got home for daring to suggest we go out and buy a new computer when the septic tank was again bubbling up all sorts of smelly detritus into our backyard.

That unfortunately ongoing situation should finally be fixed this Friday. There is some good news on that problem at least. We are only going to have to pay fifteen-hundred dollars to have the luxury of taking a poop without creating a further HAZMAT issue in our backyard. On a side note you should see the weeds around the septic tank, we have some serious evolution going on and I would not be surprised if they start talking. So, with all that going on you can easily imagine why my wife threatened me with bodily harm if I gave any hint of trying to sneak out the house with the Best Buy credit card.

Since my wife has always thought my blogging was a rather bohemian hobby whose only good attribute was that it kept me out of trouble with the family computer crapped out she taken over my laptop to run her eBay business selling equally crappy hobby and craft merchandise. We’re talking about cross stitch and scrapbook stuff among other things that knocks me out like a fifth of tequila whenever she tries to tell me about it. To be fair the same thing happens to her whenever I start blabbing about one of my stories or science stuff.

Top it all off my daughter’s teachers are very computer literate and have created scores of webpage’s to support the curriculum they are teaching this year. This also results in my daughter spending lots of time on my laptop as well, especially on the weekends when my muse usually hits me the hardest.

Long story short for the foreseeable future my posts will be few and far between. In fact the thought has crossed my mind to just throw in the towel and give up blogging since I cannot describe the number of times I have started a story or political rant only to have one of both of the usual suspects declaring there is some life or death issue they must address right freaking now.

Yeah, this is all truly First World problems with several of you out there warming up the violins to play “My Heart Bleeds for You.” Now my wife assures me control of my laptop will be returned, sometime around Black Friday this coming November.


Red Nomad OZ said...

I guess it will therefore come as no consolation I fingered you for the Liebster Award on my blog awhile back ...

I bet I won't be the only one to say 'PLEASE don't stop'! In fact, perhaps you could tell the others that share your house that people from all round the world are begging you to PLEASE don't stop. But only if that's going to work in your favour ...

Akelamalu said...

No, no, absolutely DO NOT stop blogging!! I love reading your rants, stories and anything else you care to write, no matter how infrequently. Tell your family we need you!!

Mike Williams said...

I'm thinking two, yes two Chromebooks one for ebay and Etsy and assorted womenly pursuits, one for homework and chat and other daughterly pursuits and you get your laptop back and everyone can take a dump outside. I hear it's good for the soil. Good luck, one foot in front of the other.

Life As I Know It Now said...

please don't stop blogging and two chromebooks would help you regain that laptop, which is YOURS btw anyway!

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

I am sorry. For I don't know of any antivirus program that can remove and protect against the return of the insidious wife and daughter hostile takeover worm. Maybe you could ask if the Roto-Rooter man can help?

Pixel Peeper said...

*Lines up behind all the others*

I feel for you...if my computer were to die (knock on wood), I'd eat lentil soup for months just to have the money to buy another one immediately.

Hang in there...isn't Mother's Day coming up and isn't that a great computer-gift-giving occasion?

lime said...

allow me to add my voice to the chorus of DON'T STOP BLOGGING. infrequent beach bum is better than no beach bum. in the meantime i'll hope it doesn't take until november to rectify the computer shortage.

Suzan said...

Damn, buddy!

I just lost my little crappy contract job that I had been so happy to have for a few months and I want to send you money.


By the way, my laptop cuts off all the time too. And here I was thinking it was a CIA/NSA plot to keep me from publishing my very important (inconsequential) rants.

Keep on blogging . . . in the free world.

Love ya,


Randal Graves said...

A meltdown and the computer's only three years old? There's your planned obsolescence. Sheesh.

You have to tell your wife that your next batch of stories are about interstellar craft dealers.

Ranch Chimp said...

Whether you continue blogging or not Bum is of course your choice and business. I realize that many throw in the towel on it, and I look at my blogging as simply like a journal or type of diary I reckon, so I never intended to "be" a blogger. However ... you do have a talent for writing, especially when it come's to them short fiction type storied your known to do (something I'm not very rounded at myself, as far as fiction), but I have a good eye for scouting out talent in art's (in particular music) and your stories are pretty damn good when it come's to that category of writing, trust me.

Later Guy ....

Ranch Chimp said...

Beside's Bum ... when you have a hobby, career, or talent like such, you will not be able to get it out of your system most likely, it is something that stay's with you for life ... I'm still involved with several musician's and input to local band's for instance, I'm just not out like year's ago gigging in the nightclub venue's like my younger dayz. So you can toss in the towel if you choose, however ... I feel it will stay with you at this point and you are going to write one way or the other ... you can say, it's apart of you, eh?

Beach Bum said...

Red: I greatly appreciate the award and apologize for not seeing it. There are a few other factors that have reduced my blogging time like an increased work load at my job and the resulting exhaustion when I return home in the morning.

Akelamalu: Thanks!

Mike: Like I wrote you should see the weeds in the affected area of the backyard.

Life As I Know It: The septic tank has really screwed everything up. Otherwise we would have probably already bought a new family computer.

Jerry: LOL!!!!! The wife and kid are ongoing issues but the septic tank should be resolved by Tuesday.

Pixel: If only Lexington county would expand the sewer network!

Lime: Yeah, Dragonwife and I will have a long talk way before November but, like all husbands, I have to time it right.

Suzan: Thanks, but take care of yourself. I figure suffering will be good for my writing in the long wrong.

Randal: I actually blame HP. Looked up the family computer model on the internet and discovered that problem is VERY common.

Ranch: Good points!