Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Clowns to the left and jokers to the right

Down here in South Carolina you could feel the shift in reality last night the exact moment the various news networks declared Mitt Romney the winner of the New Hampshire primary. This will sound crazy but I liken it to having the fiery and evil eye of Sauron focus it gaze on the hapless Frodo weary from carrying the Ring of Power.

I am sure the huge army of campaign staff workers and press personnel were already packing up for the trip to the Palmetto State even before some programmer was tasked with downloading the focus group approved victory speech into the newest animatronic Mitt. I watched the speech and I've got to admit those engineers have really made some huge advances in creating lifelike robots. The former governor of Massachusetts for once actually looked like he was a real fresh and blood person. Now he still spoke in halting sentences suggesting a processor upgrade might already be needed and after the first two minutes it looked liked a couple of the gears in his jaw were stuck making his smile look less mechanical and more like something you would see on a jovial skull.

For Newt his very poor New Hampshire showing last night and resulting speech explaining how the combined forces of everything unholy and anti-American stymied his crusade left him looking like a disgruntled Orc and Drawf half-breed if you will allow me another nerdy "Lord of the Rings" analogy. He seethed so much anger and resentment at the podium last night that I half expected his wife, who looks remarkably like a sex blowup doll I once knew, to explode into flames. It wouldn't have been a big deal, given her husband's past behavior she would be foolish not to realize Newt probably already has a replacement for her waiting in the wings.

As for the press they are expecting a death match between the renegade Disney Hall of Presidents animatron and the white-haired megalomaniac convinced he alone can save Western Civilization and South Carolina is the battleground. It is sure to be fun since my home state is such fertile ground for political fruits, nuts and associated moralistic stuff suits. In fact if you add Oops Perry desperate to be taken seriously again and sweater vest Santorum it becomes a huge circus. Although the former senator from Pennsylvania would disapprove of the primary being called that because it would mean animals and fun and we simply can't have that here. People might get ideas and that is never good for those trying to protect the moral fiber of the nation. Someone might be forced to wash all the frothy stuff off their hands.

But it will all be over in two weeks and the traveling circus of candidates and press will then move down to Florida. God help those poor souls and for God's sake will someone please tell Huntsman to just give it up before then. Don't even get me started on Ron Paul, that's a whole separate rant all by itself.

14 comments:

Pixel Peeper said...

LOL - I remember the politics in South Carolina. Always entertaining to watch.

Really too bad about Jon Huntsman; he's probably the only one who could name the heads of state of our key allies and find his way around a map of the world.

Windsmoke. said...

Romney is the popular pick by our political commentors down here in Oz. Had a big chuckle over the "Sex Blowup Doll I Once Knew" i'll give it the big thumbs up :-).

Mr. Charleston said...

I dare you to go to the first Romney rally with an Obama 2012 poster. No, make that a double-dog dare!

Randal Graves said...

One never has to apologize for referencing LOTR. Ever.

Jim said...

It's grim. It's like living in the Dark Ages, only worse, because it's real.

Life As I Know It Now said...

Wow!, the Republicans are so pathetic that maybe Obama has a chance of being reelected.

lime said...

it's a horrifying field of political mutants.

Beach Bum said...

Pixel: I actually like Huntsman and feel he, relatively speaking, represents the sane segment of the republican party.

Windsmoke: Yeah, the very big money is heavily pushing Romney but his Mormon faith, his plastic and disingenuous and privileged nature turns off just about everyone.

The blowup doll? I wrote a post about her years ago. Its still on my blog.

Mr Charleston: Sorry, I'm not suicidal.

Randal: Yes, I feel like one of the guys from "Big Bang Theory" more and more.

Life As We Know It: Honestly, I feel its all a circus. That's why I am advancing my expatriation planning but I still have to wait till I'm 60.

Jim: Yeah, the Dark Ages or an alternate timeline where something has gone very wrong.

Lime: Just think what we have to look forward too for 2016.

Nance said...

...having the fiery and evil eye of Sauron focus it gaze on the hapless Frodo weary from carrying the Ring of Power." Your creative genius beams out, here.

"...a death match between the renegade Disney Hall of Presidents animatron and the white-haired megalomaniac convinced he alone can save Western Civilization and South Carolina is the battleground." Boy, Howdy, I have no choice but to share this on Facebook.

Today, you are my hero.

Truth 101 said...

I saw that Newt os gaining in the polls on Romney. Romney is losing polls of independents to Ron Paul

Might be interesting.

This does show the power of negative advertising. I have three candidates I tried to convince it worked but they refused because they wanted to "look at themselves in the mirror."

I said to all of them enjoy looking at the loser in the mirror. they all lost. At ;east newt listens to me.

Vigilante said...

What I find unique about this political year is that the only semi-presidential candidate on the Republican side is definitely a 21st Century man. And don't get me wrong: even though Mitt has a lot of negatives which disqualify him for office, he is still a reasonable 21st Century man. All of the other GOP poseurs, panderers, demagogues and clowns are cut from the cloth of previous centuries. That's the problem that afflicts our national politics is that 40% of Republican voters still live in the previous centuries.

Suzan said...

Nicely emoted! Dwarf.

Huntsman, best of a bad lot, is still a Mormon who wants to end Medicare ans Social Security.

Still like him?

A true 21st-century man, I guess.

Brrrrrrr.

S

John McElveen said...

Agreed--I started to go to Lizards Thicket that morning which is less than two minutes from my house--but I realized that Eating with any Politician like Ron Paul being there was an Oxymoron! ie: Vomit!

How can we have NO candidates at all???

J

Beach Bum said...

Nance: Thanks, Just cannot wait till its over.

Truth: I'm sure Romney will win with a comfortable margin. South Carolina always falls into line.

Vigil: What amazed me was how Huntsman was ignored by the republicans. A TWO term governor where as Romney gave up running for reelection because he knew he would lose.

Suzan: I said RELATIVELY speaking. There is a lot of wiggle room in the use of that word. Would I vote for Huntsman in a general election, NO, but compared to Newt, who I like to Hitler, the former governor of Utah is a saint.

John: LOL!!!!

I laying low until they are all gone.