Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Brief Hiatus from my Hiatus

Excessive curiosity has always been a problem for me and it manifested itself again Tuesday morning as I was driving home from work shamelessly listening to NPR. As I puttered the dilapidated and crowded highways toward my house the early morning radio reports of long lines at polling places got me wondering what the situation was at the Presbyterian Church that serves as my altar to American Democracy. Sure enough, as I drove by I could see the line stretching out of the Christian certified community center attached to the church and weaved its way down the long sidewalk toward the main road.

Feeling like a shark I turned into the parking lot slowly cruising by and seeing at least a hundred good citizens chatted in the cool morning air waiting patiently in line for their chance to take their country back if the assorted bumper stickers attached to all the fancy minivans, SUV’s, and manly man trucks were to be believed. It was a fairly jovial and perky bunch except for one sullen fellow looking rather out of place much like a lone surviving human who had found some way to blend in with the pod-people in an “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” remake. My liberal radar, or “libdar”, was picking him up as the lone Democrat of the bunch. Not feeling as brave as my political compatriot I went on home deciding to return once the best of Southern suburbia had filtered back to their respective hives and Borg collectives.

I returned early in the afternoon wearing just an old Hawaiian shirt and jeans as opposed to my Che Guevara t-shirt and New Black Panthers baseball cap which I’m sure the poll workers would have thought was a great gag as some deputy sheriff tazed my goofy ass.

Once I was escorted to the new fangled electronic voting machine I reviewed the list of candidates that this election cycle had to offer. I didn’t vote a straight Democratic ticket, despite my high admiration for Alvin Greene and his accomplishments, I just couldn’t vote for the guy in his bid to unseat Jim DeMint. I did vote for the Green Party candidate in that race and actually wondered for a few seconds who had the slight advantage between the two, measured in picometers, since neither had a snowball’s chance in Hell in defeating the Godfather of the Tea Party.

I did have an unique dilemma in a couple of races because several Republican candidates did not have any opponent. I solved that issue by writing in Scrooge McDuck for State Treasurer and General George Armstrong Custer for the Office of Adjutant General of the South Carolina National Guard. I almost wrote in Robocop for Attorney General but a lot of people here have issues with Obama's skin color, voting for a cyborg will have to wait a couple of more decades.

Satisfied with my acts of sedition against the body politic of the state I went home and recommenced my increasingly futile attempt at composing my “musical” exposing the seedy and hopefully humorous underbelly of South Carolina and its people. I’ve passed the 10,000 word mark on Sunday but given my history of typos you can realistically cut that in half.

Election Day for me did offer a few surprises, later that evening after deleting three whole pages of my zygote of a tome that made no sense whatsoever my wife came and slapped me aside my head while I was typing and began to tell me that both the Democratic candidates for governor and Joe Wilson’s House seat were several points ahead at that moment. Figuring that both my nightly beer intake and writing frustrations had pushed me over the edge into some delusional state I figured I heard my wife wrong but it turned out true, both Democratic candidates did have a nice lead over the Conservative anchor baby hussy and the slime mold that wears two-thousand dollar suites.

I was perplexed, could the voters of South Carolina have actually delved a little deeper into troubling issues surrounding those two Republican candidates and decided it was best to seek a new approach? In other areas of the country such a query would be minor and easy to answer. But here in South Carolina such a question would open a nasty can of worms forcing me to reconsider many of my long held assumptions about my state. So I plopped on the couch and watched as more voting returns were tabulated, thankfully my assumptions and ultimate fate of my hypothetical novel are safe. Further election results soon arrived sending Nikki to the governor’s mansion, Joe back to Congress, and saving me from having to yet again rewrite significant portions of the mishmash that has come close to sending me screaming insanely off into the night.


Liberality said...

Well Indiana is solidly red as always. Stupid morons! Our country will go down screaming as it chugs the koolaid. I am BEYOND disgusted at the entire debacle. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!

Bill's Big Bamboo said...

You make me feel guilty. I voted at 11:30 A.M., with THREE people in front of me. Took all of 30 seconds to mark & scan. I then got my sticker, as voter #275.

No "write-ins", but as a believer of TERM LIMITS, even if I have to enduce them, I was a Democrat voting Blanch OUT in Arkansas.

Suzan said...

I think we had the same crappy sleepless night, baby.

Elaine Marshall probably lost to Diebold against that damned Burr, and Bob Etheridge (the mild Blue Dog) lost while Heath Shuler (asshole deluxe) won.

What a life.

Thanks for the update. Any good news from SC?

We got to keep Brad Miller and Rick Glazier (who is a 24-vote winner with a recount coming up) in NC.


Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

I had a strong suspicion that you were going to vote 3rd party in that Senate race.....Well, guess what, SO DID I (in the CT race, that is)! I voted for Mertons over those 2 lying sacks of crap; McMahon and Blumenthal....And, yes, me-bucko, damned if it didn't feel really good, too.

okjimm said...

//....solved that issue by writing in....//
shit.... do what I do... I write MYSELF in!!! over the years you wouldna believe the number of offices I have had votes for!!!

Pixel Peeper said...

The big Presbyterian Church across the street from Publix? That's where my dear, liberal, tree-hugging husband once had to endure a handshake from Joe Wilson.

He was scrubbing his hands for weeks...

Jessica said...

I voted late here in NC. Luckily for me the polling station I'm assigned is rather liberal - well as far as that goes in the Carolinas. We're stuck with Foxx again, so if only I could drink away my cares. Hmmph. At least I'll have fun in the next few months when this whole new bunch can't un-muck it up fast enough either.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Well, Meggy lost and we got Gov. Moonbeam back in office, 25 years after he occupied it last.

Prop 19 went down 2-1 probably because that prick the drug czar and fellow fuckwit Eric Holder threatened to bust every single Cali resident who even THOUGHT of lighting up a doobie if we passed that law.

So, I smoked a bowl of the best herb money can buy, drank a bottle of cheapass chardonnay and screamed at the tv alot. Fun night!

Beach Bum said...

Liberality: I'm trying to sweet talk a girl down in Austraila into marrying me so I can get out of the country. Trutfully I have some hope the Teabaggers will self destruct at some level, but then again if anyone can screw up a sure thing its the democrats.

Bill: I really have to think of new write-in canidates. At least I didn't use Mickey Mouse this time. Yeah, I very much believe in term limits myself.

Suzan: No good news here other than I haven't gone postal on the suburban pod people I live around...yet.

I have huge issues with the Diebold machines and in fact I figure they might have helped elect Alvin Greene to his Democratic senate nomination. Why do I have these fears? Go to my profile and drop me an email and I will send you a very true story that will curl your hair. I will not even begin to write about it in public.

Will: I actually feel sorry for Alvin, the guy has major issues and I do believe he was used. I figure there will be more Alvins in the future of South Carolina politics. Its a nice way to really stage an election.

Jim: I like the idea but I'm paranoid already and figure I will be ran out of the state at some point.

Pixel: I actually attended that church across from Publix for a few years. The old pastor was a serious liberal but he got into some trouble. I named one of my vampire hunting characters after him.

The Presbyterian church I meant is the one off Barr Road.

Jessica: I agree, but I'm sure Fox Noise has excuses made up already.

Dusty: I have to get with you and Tricia and have a party sometime. I can't find any weed in my area at all, damn Biblethumpers.

Ranch Chimp said...

Good Mornin/ Evening Bum!

Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh .... I absolutely loved your post election post! Great! say dude ... your a fan of Alvin Greene? me too ... I just love pervert's like myself though is why! :) I dont believe that's his real name ... I figured he just adapted the name cause he was a fan of the music artist old school "Al Green" :) (just kiddin guy)

Actually dude ... I alway's vote early ... and never intoxicated ... beside's the time's I was stoned on pot, but at least not tequila. But yes ... I voted straight democrat ... even though a couple of them jackoff's in Texas I didnt want, especially Dallas' Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson, but I was so goddamn desperate dude .. as my posting's shown for the last year, because I knew/ know and wrote about exactly what republican's will do if they get any majority this year ... and believe me .. they WILL do what I wrote over the last year ... you can bet your paycheck on it.

In Texas .... statewide, republican's done well, which was expected ... and Gov Rick Perry(R) got voted in for another term (barely)who will be the longest serving Texas Governor in history. On the other hand ... democrat's in Dallas County had landslide victories ... and Dallas is a democrat powerhouse of the state actually ... they control almost everything here ... deep in the heart of a republican state! Imagine that! :)

Teresa said...

I like the idea of using your own name for the "write in" canidate!

Randal Graves said...

Green party? You threw your vote away! You *owe* your vote to the dums! Traitor!

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Randal, I voted for one of my felines for ALL local offices. Our county is run by teabagging Jaysus freaks.

lime said...

i'm just glad you survived another election day. i barely made it out...

Charlene said...

I was one of those poll workers you mention though I'd not get all upset about a guy in jeans and flowery shirt.

My precinct, which is my home precinct too, is lower middle class and poor people. Lots of new immigrant citizens voting with pride. I've lived near rich people and poor people, farmers and small business owners. I think it's good for the soul to work and live in places that are diverse.

If you live your life behind a real or virtual wall, that gives you the idea you are superior to those not near you.

Beach Bum said...

Ranch Chimp: Actually dude ... I alway's vote early ... and never intoxicated

Now that would be fun!

Teresa: I couldn't do that, that might lead them back to me. I'm on enough shaky ground with those people to begin with.

Randal: Yeah, your right. Next time I'm in Manning I should stop my Alvin's house and bring him a case of Maddog 20-20.

Dusty: Mine too, Hell one of my brothers is one as well.

Lime: Don't rest too much, the presidential campaign has started now.

Charlene: Welcome and come back again!

We're pretty segregated between the haves and have nots here. Its not really a race thing but you could easily think that if you just looked at the faces in line that morning.

Border Explorer said...

Thanks for sparking a bit of humor in an otherwise rather dismal week! Guess I'll go watch Keith Olbermann now....what's that?? O sh--!!


I used to get write in votes for the county board seat I ran for 8 years ago but the witch of a county clerk took the write in line off the ballot. I went to the union hall and got shitfaced with my Dad and some friends after picking up yard signs.

I didn't drive home. We drink responsibly. We did make the driver pull over in the parking lot of a republican business owner so we could barf.

Like I said. We drink responsibly.

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

I hate to say it, double b, but I think that I probably would have voted for Mr. Green. Just to be a frigging wise guy, I'm saying. Just to frigging stick it to 'em.

Marja said...

A hiatus from your hiatus lol for some voting. Politics is all a bit of theater for me

Dave Dubya said...

I too would have voted for Greene. I shall not despair. If he beats the charges he's up against I'll vote for him for president. We've had worse.

Teresa said...

OMG they still make MD 20 20?? Never drank it but saw what it could do !!!


I would have voted for the "Rent's Too Damn High" dude if I could have.

Distributorcap said...

CPH -- after a nice long weekend away from the madness (including the madness of the marathon)

i am trying to sleep through the insanity