Sunday, June 20, 2010

Typical Teenager's Room


My son, Darth Spoilboy, is an all too typical teenager in many ways but none more than the usual condition of his room. As you can see in the picture clothes, musical instruments, video games, and things I can't identify litter his floor at any given moment. Especially worrisome are the abandoned eating utensils and food packaging which at times can take on the looks of an archeological dig site or crime scene.

You have not lived until you find a McDonald's Double Cheeseburger that has fossilized and harden to the point that if attached to the end of a rocket it would beat depleted uranium as an anti-tank weapon. Such is not the case for some snack cakes, I found a Little Debby oatmeal creme pie left on a plate under his bed one time that my son swears he forgot about months before. The texture and smell of the snack cake looked fresh and ready to eat like it had been made just the day before. No, at one time just out of brain-dead curiosity I would have taken a bite but my digestive track is just not what it use to be so I tossed the snack cake in the trash.

Some might wonder when or if my son ever cleans his room. Yes he does clean his room from time to time but if he is not supervised the assorted debris you see on the floor would just be pushed inside his closet to make one large mound. After such a cleaning I just accept that his room is uncluttered and ignore what might evolving in the mound on the other side of his closet door no matter what strange sounds might be heard.



This is his room after a complete cleaning and resulting genocide of several species of lifeforms that had emerged from biosphere consisting of the stuff in his closet. One species was close to developing nuclear weapons but with their eradication the intelligence of South Carolina again fell to its usual sorry levels.

You might be wondering is how long would his room remain in such a pristine condition? The short answer, of course, is not nearly long enough but I have actually timed the degradation from a healthy and orderly environment to complete chaos again to around two days. If such a clean up should happen on a Friday the usual rush of friends and video game playing can reduce the time to about an hour, even faster if pizza delivery or a Taco Bell run is involved.

20 comments:

TomCat said...

Beach, he isn't as bad as most. In the before picture,I could actually see patches of bare carpet.

David Barber said...

Beach, that before photo looks suspiciously like mine when I was a teenager and, if it wasnt for my wife, our bedroom would look like that now. Joking. :-)

He'll learn soon enough when he starts bringing girls home. If he has any sense, hell get them to do his cleaning. hahaha!

PENolan said...

Typical does not mean "easy to deal with."
Just wait 'til there are rubbers and bongs . . .

Joan Perry; Sidewalk Curator said...

Wow! That is quite a transformation!

Beach Bum said...

Tomcat: The empty patches are just because Dragonwife went through picking up some laundry. I really should have waited a few days, he had friends over the following Saturday night and I saw five empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and empty soda cans all over the place.

David: Actually caught him and a former girlfriend in his room alone and about duct taped my son to the wall in his room over it. After I calmed down I explained to him that I never wanted to catch him and whatever girlfriend he might be dating in his room alone until much later in his life.

PENolan: Well, any bongs in the house are mine as for rubbers see the above comment about me duct taping him to a wall.

Joan: I'm the one who actually cleaned up his room for that picture. A couple of months ago my wife's college roommate and her boyfriend came for a visit and I had to clean up my son's room since they wee to sleep in it. even though I cleaned it, its strange to see it that way.

Liberality said...

Is that a foot I see peeking out of the covers there?

If your teenager is anything like mine were, he sleeps as much as he makes his messes.

Tim said...

For what it's worth...
Enjoy them, messy rooms and all. Time is not your friend, so rooms become empty. They do as they must, what they were raised to do.
And your left with a nice and tidy room to occasionally look into and remember.
I'd trade it all for one day back when they were little.

TRUTH 101 said...

I try to convince my wife to relax because our house will never be clean until our kids move out. She still frets over it despite my wisdom. In the process making me miserable as well. The kids know this. Unsanitary jerks.

Best thing is to just keep their doors shut.

Beach Bum said...

Liberality: He absolutely sleeps as much as he spreads organizational chaos, he was asleep on the couch until 1:00pm.

Tim: I you are right, before the recent vacation my son went on a trip with a friend and his parents for a four day weekend. The house was just too quiet.

Truth 101: My only real issue is the fossilized food, the rest is all small stuff.

tnlib said...

LOL. So many memories. Finally I put up a sign in my oldest daughter's room that said, "Bless This Mess," shut the door and left it alone. She is now grown and has become a total neat freak.

Her younger sister liked to stick unremovable pictures and what-not to everything - TVs, tables, whatever. I'd screech and throw a fit. Now I look at them with a smile and enjoy sweet memories of a time gone by.

Beach Bum said...

Her younger sister liked to stick unremovable pictures and what-not to everything - TVs, tables, whatever.

That would be my daughter as well. Actually had an old and crappy computer desk for years that my son would play under as I surfed America On Line back in the late 90's. He put stickers on the inside panels as well and it hurt to throw that table away after it finally started to collapse.

Randal Graves said...

There's no way in hell that the bottom photo is from a teenager's room. You either stole that from The Google or have mastered manipulation of space-time.

Jessica said...

Ha, that takes me back to my cleaning habits in high school and college. I'm a wee bit better now, but it's still a struggle!

tnlib said...

Jessica - I bet you're not as bad as I am. I put it off by asking why go to all this work when it's going to be messy again in two days. Besides, I live alone so why in hell should I care.

Distributorcap said...

i bet he knows where everything is though

Beekeepers Apprentice said...

Awww, come'on, try the oatmeal Little Debbie! Seriously, those things last forever :)

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

Double b, are you saying that those Little Debbie snack cakes and cookies might actually have some preservatives in them? I'm shocked.

Beach Bum said...

Randal: The bottom picture of his clean room is only from my efforts. Had visitors over a couple of months ago and just so we, or they actually, would not have any nasty surprises I cleaned the room.

Jessica and Tnlib: I usually just ignore or accept his room in whatever condition he wants to keep it. On the other hand I have to keep my stuff somewhat organized, especially since my wife might just throw something away.

DCap: I wish that was the case, he spends a lot of time digging through his mess to find stuff.

Bee and Will: Like I wrote a few years ago I would have finished it but after a bad experience no any more.

lime said...

that "dirty room" is neat as a pin compared to my daughter's room. i can still see parts of your son's floor!

sunshine said...

I have to clean my kids rooms too.
I'd go insane if I didn't. :)

((Hugs))
Laura