Screaming in from the outer reaches of interstellar space is a meme from that great American Randal Graves asking me about the movies I have rented recently from the local Blockbuster. No, despite my best efforts with the wife we haven't joined Netflix yet and probably never will until someone completely disconnected from the family, usually someone at work, brags about it to her in which she will then fly home at ludicrous speed and sign us up for the most expensive plan saying I should have said something about it earlier. Never the less, then will have a bunch of movies sitting around that will go unwatched instead of the two or three we rent from Blockbuster on the weekend gathering dust next the television until we get the call from the corporate Big Brother saying we will have surrendered custody of our children and bought the movies if we don't return them in the next twenty minutes.
However, the request about the movies I do end up watching is simple enough but as with anything I do there are complications. The first one being is that I will have to eliminate all the porn I watch. But its free on the internet so it doesn't count anyway. Second is that going to Blockbuster for me is about on par with going to the dentist. There seems to be some law of nature that whenever I pull into the Blockbuster parking lot the place is rushed by all manner of sub-human redneck and suburban drones.
The rednecks are usually dragging six or seven wild eyed kids behind them with an chimp-like ruckus being raised upon finding the latest mad slasher film with the deranged killer on the DVD case often bearing a strong family resemblance to those renting the film. Funny thing about the rednecks, "Deliverance" is very often pointed at and chuckled about as they walk by on the shelf.
On a digressive side note my wife and I often debate my actual standing in the redneck community. She assures me, with her Old Virginia air of superiority and education, that I am far from one who should be casting any such stones concerning such things as breeding and social conventions. Usually when she gets that way I start picking my nose and flicking the buggers out the car, then she calls me a "neanderthal" but I can live with that.
The suburban drones buzz through the aisles looking for the latest film just out on DVD shepherding their 2.5 children. The .5 is the suburban drone still in the larvae stage. The drones often congregate at the return box waiting for the nerdy clerk to organize the DVD's inside. Trying to pass the time waiting with them with small talk is general a impossible task. With only slightly exposed antenna they sniff you for evangelical church hive identification. If said person waiting with them can't positively be identified as a member in good standing at one of the finer houses of worship at best you are ignored, at worst your head is bitten off and your body is expelled from the store with on-duty drones dragging it back to their church hive to be used to feed the other, younger larvae.
After navigating the dangers of the aisles ending up at the checkout counter is an adventure all to itself. Behind the counter is usually some zit popping teenager who will stare at you for several minutes not saying a word. I'd like to say that said teenager is more evolved than me and is sending a telepathic message wanting to carry on the entire rental transaction by a high bandwidth ESP data exchange but at some point the mental fog will clear and the teenager will suddenly see me and begin the procedure to rent me my movies. The other possible check out clerk is the obnoxious guy who in the space of the time it takes the debit card to run through will tell me everything about the movie, even the ending and think he has done me a service.
I would let my wife just go but then she would come home with an arm full of estrogen-rich chick flicks leaving me in a Jane Austen inspired hell. No hate mail please, I seen every recent Jane Austen remake recently, actually likeing them, and sat through the entire movie "Age of Innocence" because my son was entertaining his friends upstairs. So I should get some credit for that.
Okay enough of my raging drivel, here are my most recently rented and viewed movies. Sorry, I have to adapt the meme just a little since to movies I have on hand because as I stated above going to Blockbuster ain't fun.
- The Happening: M Night Shyamalan movie about plants conspiring to bring humans down a couple of notches by causing them to commit suicide. What can I say? I like end-of-the-world disaster flicks.
- The Great Escape: Truly a great guy flick that has Allied servicemen trying to escape from a German POW camp. DUH! But honestly I love this movie.
- I am Legend: End of the world and pseudo-zombies that is a winner any day in my book.
- Forrest Gump: Seriously, its a great movie and it was filmed in South Carolina. "Stupid is as stupid does", damn George Bush missed his true destiny. He was Gump without even trying.
- Harold and Kumar-Escape from Guantanamo Bay: Laughed my ass off, and I was drunk. Been drinking wine lately and I had a bottle of some Australian red that knocked my socks off while watching the movie.
- Wall-e: Okay, if you watch this movie and don't want to immediately go out and plant a tree and hug your toaster you have no soul.
- Red Dawn: A totally ass kicking movie that has godless commies invading the United States and being fought off by American high school kids. Okay, total fantasy I know, if we were invaded Mr. and Mrs. Middleclass would collectively somehow send their pericious children off to Canada to college. Fighting America's wars is for the working and lower classes.
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Loved the movie, I was so deep in the story I never noticed the time. And while she ain't my first pick Cate Blanchett is so doable. I know that was an extremely sexist thing to write but she is hot.
- Quantum of Solace: What can I say? Bond gets the girl, kills the bad guys in exotic places, pisses "M" off, kills more bad guys, gets the girl. I actually didn't care for this movie.
- Endless Summer: Surfing documentary made in the 60's about two guys traveling the world surfing in places sometimes far removed from the screwed up hand of man. Out of all the movies I have ever watched this one is by far the best.