Monday, September 12, 2011

The Terrorists Have Won

God help this poor country when consenting adults cannot sneak into the cramped confines of a commercial jetliner restroom and make whoopy. Never having the opportunity of a such an encounter myself  I have got to admit to some admiration in how any couple can maneuver themselves into such positions as to accomplish the desired carnal tasks. When I fly I can barely complete the primary mission the microscopic restroom was designed for in the first place. In some jets I have to struggle to close the door because my damn knees stick out too far when I have no other choice but to take a "seat" since I cannot wait until we land.

My biggest concern is with the fighter pilots who were scrambled and forced away from the comfort of the ready room couch and their endless watching of SpongeBob reruns. This terrible incident could redefine the term "wingman."

Sure, it's the tenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks, and you're flying on a day when there's extremely heightened security, but if you don't seize the opportunity to join the Mile High Club now, doesn't that mean Al Qaeda has won? Such apparently was the reasoning (or lack thereof) of an amorous couple on a Frontier Airlines flight from Denver to Detroit yesterday. After they slipped into the W.C. for an intimate encounter, their "suspicious behavior" was reported to the TSA, and F-16 fighter jets were scrambled to chaperone the plane to Detroit.

A Frontier spokesman tells the AP the couple was in the bathroom for "an extraordinarily long time," and law enforcement sources tell ABC they were totally "making out." When the plane landed in Detroit at 3:30 p.m., it taxied away from the terminal to a remote spot on the airfield. The 116 passengers waited about a half hour, and then passenger Belinda Duggan tells the AP, "All of a sudden, a SWAT team went through and saying, 'Please place your hands on the seat in front of you.' " (Also, get dressed.)
Three unidentified passengers were detained, and eventually released. An airport spokesman tells the AP that the response wasn't unusual. "Regardless of why it was triggered, whenever we get a radio call of a security problem on board, our response is the same one we would have had yesterday, tomorrow," Wintner said. "We always react as if it's the end of the world. If it isn't, so be it."

The incident took place around the same time that fighter jets were scrambled in response to another report of suspicious activity aboard an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to JFK. This one was also bathroom-related—ABC reports the pilot became spooked by passengers' frequent trips to and from the restroom. Three male passengers—two Israelis, one Russian—were reportedly drunk and refused to follow flight attendant instructions. But after the plane landed at JFK, they were questioned and released.

UPDATE: The AP has heavily revised their initial report, in light of a statement sent out by the FBI this morning insisting "there never were two people in the bathroom at the same time." The FBI tells the AP a man who was not feeling well went to the bathroom and another man followed. ABC, however, has not issued a correction; their sources told them two people were "making out" in the bathroom. 


Leslie Parsley said...

Hahaha. "Making out?" When was the last time I heard that? Whatever, I think it's funny as hell but agree with you about the amount of play room - or lack thereof.

Windsmoke. said...

A bit of a knee jerk reaction to both incidents, on the other hand it was 9/11 and i don't blame people for being a bit jumpy at all. May all the victims of 9/11"Rest In Peace" and never be forgotten, Amen :-).

Mr. Charleston said...

Wouldn't you know it. The couple was two men. The terrorists have won! No, no. My bad.

Lowandslow said...

True, US airlines are not as "enlightened" as European airlines, most notably Air France. You may remember the story of how on an Air France flight years ago Prince Albert of Monaco slipped into the first class lavatory for a "romantic enounter" with one of the female flight attendants. Turns out 9 months later she gave birth to his child. True story.

Or to put it another way, she had Prince Albert in the can. :)


lime said...

i never understood the allure of sex in an airplane restroom, aside from the cramped quarters it's just smelly in there. ick.

Cloudia said...


Poor Mexico - so close to Estates Uni

Aloha from Waikiki;

Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >


mjunta said...

sounds funny

Beach Bum said...

Leslie: The world is a crazy place.

Windsmoke: Amen.

Mr. Charleston: If we start scrambling fighters everytime someone stays too long in the restroom anyone with stomach issues like me will end up on the "No Fly" list.

LowandSlow: Rich people have all the fun.

Lime: I agree, but the lack of available space puzzles the daylights out of me.

Cloudia: Yeah.

Mjunta: Thanks!

Akelamalu said...

I've yet to see a restroom (on a plane or otherwise) that I'd like to make love in. :0

Pixel Peeper said...

That scene from "Vegas Vacation" comes to mind - the one where Clark Griswold walks through the airport with a blue pant leg from the water in the airplane bathroom...


Beach Bum said...

Akelamalu: True, but I've heard of ever crazier locations.

Pixel: LOL!!!

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

Man, first frisking down Granny, and now THIS! It's a total miracle that we haven't gotten hit again.