Now the third prophet being a hopeless slacker yearning for beaches and scantily clad ladies dancing in the surf but stuck all weekend at the house grabbed his new Jimmy Buffett CD, a couple of slices of cold pizza, and a two liter bottle of diet Coke and presents his offering to the Holy Spoltchy:
Jenkins was a fan of all sorts of zombie and horror movies often sitting up late at night alone watching some horde of monsters, ghosts, or demons attempt to cause as much destruction on earth as possible. For him such movies had long since become untangled from the base fear and dread they were made to cause and were more enjoyable from the nearly subconscious fantasies he entertained about his ex-wife and her rich new husband being chased, then eaten by one of the evil creatures.
Until now that is, turning away from the babbling woman and focusing his eyes on the insectoid creatures streaming from the mega-Tracy’s department store into the mall concourse Jenkins felt a fresh rush of terror that paled all others in his life. The creatures were about two to three feet high, walked on four legs with an identical front pair that was being used to catch and hold whatever unlucky human had remained too close. Even now Jenkins watched a blond woman replete with excessive jewelry dangling outside her expensive coat still struggling to hold onto her full shopping bags be lifted and fed into pair of over sized mandibles.
The spasm of blood that followed at least slightly camouflaged the woman being ingested. The creatures until that moment had only been entering the mall concourse grabbing whatever people were nearby but once the blond lady had completely disappeared chuck by bloody chunk the rest of bugs made quick work of those they had caught.
The first people to scatter upon the arrival of the sixteen foot Tron android had long since made their way to whatever exit they could find but more than a few had either been too stupid to move or frozen in fear now panicked as the insect creatures now flooded down the concourse grabbing the old and whatever foolish types refused to drop their loads of Christmas booty. It was then the giant android raised his arms, his veins throbbing ever faster, and began moving in the direction of the over sized roaches.
“Base, this is Jenkins,” the still stunned rent-a-cop said. “You guys better get down here quickly and call the National Guard or the freaking army because not only do we have a loose android but the cockroaches we have been bitching about to management have broken out of the basement.”
“Jenkins this is base, the shift supervisor is on his way,” Jenkins heard the kiss ass Thomas say over the radio. Thomas had accidentally left his microphone keyed and Jenkins could still hear the conversation going on back at base. “Someone call the exterminators again and tell the bastards we need them to bring the good stuff, not that bargain crap management insists on them using, looks like we might have another Omaha incident on our hands.”
Mrs. Hajba had been strangely quiet during all this and Jenkins noticed from the look on her face more than slightly smug. “The Ghost of Kreestmass Disappointed is exacting its revenge on you petulant Americans.” Was all she said and with that she pulled out her cell phone and by all appearances once the person she was calling answered began speaking in a language Jenkins could not understand and to the best of his knowledge have never even heard spoken before.
The giant android had been busy through all this and after it had reached the leading element of the over sized cockroaches had begun to do a stomping dance with its big feet flattening the bugs as a surprising rate given its size and initial slowness. The mall background music was playing a soft version of "Beat It" with the android keeping keeping in step withe the music.
The bugs, angered by the android’s attack, swarmed all around forgetting for the moment all the shoppers they had been snacking on and did their best to bring the American made automaton down.
Jenkins watched as Mrs. Hajba continued to talk on her cell phone and the bugs try to get a footing at the base of the android to crawl up. If the situation couldn't get any more surreal a lovely young woman was now walking toward Jenkins and the old crazy woman from one of the branching concourses dragging a young boy by the ear. The boy was holding a fancy stick in one hand and with the other a shimmering book that Jenkins could clearly see had the title of “East Salem Community College of Magic and Wizardry: Advanced animation and transformations 210”.
Jenkins stomach sank down to his knees while his balls launched themselves into his throat. Dealing with the loose android was one thing, the bugs another, but throwing in some kid playing with a magic textbook from those East Salem losers was a whole new world of shit. I better get a freaking raise after all this shit is over he thought.
The third prophet's duty is to now appoint another to add to the holy Scriptures. While the Beach Bum is usually not blessed enough for such an endeavor choosing to let someone pick up the mantle on their own but just for shits and giggles I pick and double dog dare: Madmike, Stimpson, Doc, and Utah Savage. Whether any will answer to the Spoltchy call I do not know but I will not be held responsible for the lightening striking them down.